"When I am afraid, I will trust in You..."

"In God,whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
If you believe God is in charge of our lives, then you also believe life offers many chances and opportunities to makes friends, talk to someone you don't know, or realize closeness with someone that does not "just happen". Have you ever sat in a doctor's office and start talking to another woman and think, "we could be really good friends if we had the opportunity"...wonder how many opportunities we pass up every day because we are too busy, or don't have time to "visit" with someone, or don't stop to talk to new members at church because we "need to get home."..

A number of years ago, John and I were attended the lectureship at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California. One of the series was taught by a lovely woman from Texas. I met her afterwards, and she ended up being the speaker for our church ladies "retreat". We started emailing and have become very good friends through writing, occasionally phone calls and just being real "soul" partners. What a blessing she is in my life and what a wonderful opportunity I would have missed out on if I had not gone up and spoken to her in that class!

Her name is Cathy Messecar and she is not only a speaker, but an author with a third book coming out in March of 2011. Cathy writes a monthly article in a newspaper and on her blog.
The first book is called "The Stained Glass Pickup" and is a devotional book. The second, Cathy co-authored with several of her friends, "A Scrapbook of Christmas Firsts". The new book is "A Still and Quiet Soul:Embracing Contentment" , and I am very honored to have been selected as one of the chapters of this book. Cathy tells of how our Johny was part of our lives and died so young and she also tells about my battle with cancer...how God leads me through each day and gives me strength to keep going...how He is my rock and my guide! Cathy and I would have missed out on so much..I pray I do not miss out on blessings and friendships, on chances to pray for someone, and just being the best we can in His way each day.

"...fix our eyes on Jesus..."

Each day is a surprise! I never know what that day will hold. The chemo that I could not decide and did not know what to do---insurance would not approve it so the problem was solved for me! God took care of that for me! My oncologist has a new experimental for me to try---it has some bad side effects but not everyone has these, so maybe I won't. I have to try this and not just sit and let the cancer grow. I will loose my hair again, which is no big deal, since it has happened twice already. Besides, I might get curly hair again! The side effects are reversible if they get too bad or if I quit. He assured me the liver is only involved about 10% so I can handle that! I will take a daily pill and get an injection in my port once every three weeks. I pray the side effects are not so bad that I cannot handle this.

Hebrews 12:2 gives us a goal ..."Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross..."

I pray for courage, strength and endurance...and for ability to stay fairly normal in life style. Am I asking for too much?? I pray I am not asking too much! Thank you Father for all blessings.

"To you, O Lord, I called..."

This has been quite a weekend! Saturday we got to be with our oldest grandson, his wife and their three children (our greats). Today, we were at my sister's and with three nephews, wives and another granddaughter and all their babies (four this time)...Tonight, we were with a granddaughter for her birthday, her husband, another grandson and his daughter (her mother had to work) who is our oldest great....and of course our daughter and son-in-law. (we all live here , so we have lots of family dinners now.)
We did lots more yard work today, lots more to do, since we left our "gardens" at the other house. We brought some flowers but it was too hard to bring as many as I wanted to and the flower beds needed fixing up and soil added, so this is a work in progress. I saw my ex-neighbor and he said "all your flowers are dead" which was not very nice and made me sad, I had worked on those flower beds for 11 years! Oh, well, maybe I need to be busy!
Tomorrow is the day of decision regarding the chemo so I will know more tomorrow night.
This Bible passage from Psalm 30 I have marked in my bible, that These verses were important when God healed my cancer. He did it then, He can do it again, I know. I will claim these verses tonight and claim His choosing the perfect chemo tomorrow!!!

Psalm 30: 8-10 "To you, O Lord, I called; to the Lord I called for mercy; What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness? Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O, Lord, be my help." ...and the last half of verse 12, "O, Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

"...in His word I put my hope"

Today was a good day, no nausea, no pain, no fever. I cannot figure it out, there is no pattern! This is Sunday, and lots of prayers for me, and for John and his pacemaker battery replacement this Friday. I know I have to do something strong in the way of chemo because I believe the cancer is growing. I have a cancer close to my bladder that the radiation earlier this year was supposed to "get" but it apparently did not, so we have to do something before it gets the "better of me". I was so sure earlier last week that I just could not do the patupalone again, but now I know that if not that then something that will kick this quickly! I reaffirm every day that God is in control and then I get fearful and lose my bravery and faith and belief that He is Able! I know we don't always get what we want but I want so badly to be well and strong again, and able to do things I used to do.
Psalm 130:5 says "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope..."

"I will see the goodness of the Lord..."

Psalm 27:13-14 " I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord."

I think I am being told to wait for God to do whatever He will do! I tend to hurry up and rush along, being sure I get it done. Maybe I better sit back and let Him do His will first. Yesterday was not a good day and I was so tired and had a fever all evening. Today some of our family was here and such fun to be with the west Tennessee greats. When they left, the fever came back. I went to a really good friend's 50th Wedding anniversary party, but came home early due to nausea and fever. I don't understand why I am having fever and nausea since I have not had chemo in about 6 weeks! Of course I wonder if the cancer is growing a lot! I wonder if the gall stone is causing this. I had decided to not do the really bad chemo but since I apparently am having lots of cancer growth, I guess I will have to do that. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to go ahead and do the stronger chemo!

Maybe this is my "wake-up-call" to be strong and do the tough stuff! I know God will be with me and I can do whatever He tells me to do! And this verse says we will see His goodness here on earth...We know that for sure!

"...don't get worked up about what may or may not happen..."

The Message reads like this for Matthew 6:34..."Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
This is another good day, but I am tired and back ache tonight, and as always, I wonder why? So I don't need to borrow trouble!
One more day of family furniture .....we have another small cabinet or armoire that has an interesting history. John asked his mother if he could use some pieces of wood in the barn for kindling...she had a fit and said "NO" that was her Daddy's and told us how it came to be in pieces. John's Grandfather was angry with his third wife and threw this piece of furniture out the back door...John's mother went and got the pieces and saved them. ( Remember the Grandfather lived next door to John's parents) Several years after we nearly burned up the cabinet, we had a friend to put the pieces together and John made a new top and it has been in our house ever since. It is walnut and build with panels on all sides.

After John retired He used to do handy man jobs and one job was in a wealthy part of town, and he was rebuilding a closet. The owner told him he could have the scrap wood. John brought it home and built me a wonderful tall cabinet with glass doors to hold my "salts" collection. I have about 300 now. The wood in this cabinet is beaded board pine and probably about 75-100 years old...beautiful wood, and I treasure it because John made it!

We have a blanket chest that was John's Dad's and it is also walnut, and for some reason, when they made it with the "classic panels" on each side, they put the smooth side out and the panel side in. That is so strange. It is a large chest, about 2 feet X 4 feet across the top and not quite 3 feet tall, on legs. It sure comes in handy and holds lots of blankets and quilts.

So I need to not worry and not think about what might happen, God is always there ...and He will help us with the hard times when they come!

"...let your heart give you joy..."

I was sitting in our living room area tonight and looking at the various pieces of furniture. We have bought some furniture over the years but so much was given to us by parents and my grandmother that as we acquired these we gave the "new" things to grandchildren or sold them. In our area is an armoire that was John's parents. For years it sat on their back porch, the cat had kittens in the drawers, garden tools were in it, etc...When we got it, a friend refinished the "gray worn" to a wonderful honey finish. It is put together with pegs and must be close to 150 years old at least. It used to have mirrors in the doors. Now it houses our TV and Cd's and collectibles.
An old rectangle trunk serves as a coffee table (since it is smaller than our coffee tables which we gave to children). It has "Nashville Trunk and Bag" in a plaque on the front which was an old luggage/bags/trunk company here in Nashville. When I was small it was in Grandma's attic and full of various things she was saving. I used to play on top of it and now it is my treasure holder--some of Johny's favorite things, and my cross stitch. It must be about 100 years old.
Our "kitchen" table is an old walnut gate leg table that seats four..it was my great aunt and uncle's DINING ROOM table! When they died (their only child had died young) we were able to get this table, since no one else really needed it. John refinished it and we have used it for about 50 years. This aunt and uncle would be about 140 years old if living, so the table is really old.
A wonderful gold, oval mirror (beveled) came from Mama and to her from her aunt and before that to this aunt from her in-laws who came from Scotland. We also have a low chest that was theirs, which is either maple or poplar. It has signs of having had another piece on top, like shelves or something. The history and family love involved in each piece of furniture means so much. We are so thankful to have these pieces of furniture
Ecclesiastes 11:8-9 "However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all...be happy young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth..."
Well we are no longer "young" but our hearts still give us joy...what a blessing!