"The Lord is good..."

Lamentations 3:25-26 " The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

Yesterday morning at 7 we went to the hospital for my blood drawing and did not stay for results. At noon, we left for the wedding at a park an hour from here. Everything was so family-oriented, and just wonderfully sweet. Our grandson and his wife wrote their vows and both were in tears as they said them. John did such a great job as being their minister and we were all proud that he could see his papers well enough to not falter on the ceremony. I had typed what he was to say in very, very large font and he taped this to sheets of paper and it worked very well.
There were 75 here for food and just being together. The chefs did a great job and all was so good with an outdoor elegance in the deep blue skies, golden leaves and all the pumpkins and flowers everywhere--the reds, golds, and greens of flowers and ribbons was perfect. I was very careful to not touch anyone, and have my food come from the kitchen and not off the buffet.

My nurse called this morning and said the white count was up slightly (going the right direction) and that I could go to the grocery. I felt like I was in "house arrest" for the last three days. Tomorrow is day for the oncologist and see what he has decided to do next... maybe give me a lower dose of chemo and continue this treatment. In one week (at three weeks from the first dose) I can get a "white cell shot". A friend says I sound more positive "talking" than on this blog. I do not want to act like I am depressed because I am not, but I maybe tell more of my feelings here than when talking to someone. I really hate to talk about me so much, but I know friends want to know what is going on. So maybe tomorrow we will find out more---I say this alot, don't I?

We have been getting ready for the wedding all day. My sister and daughter's friend did the cupcakes---strawberry with white cream icing, and chocolate with chocolate icing, and tiny pearl beads hand-sprinkled over the top of each cupcake...just elegant! The groom's cake is chocolate with strawberry filling and chocolate icing. The chefs came tonight and put four pork roasts in our over for overnight cooking...they smell wonderful. They will be here preparing the food from about 11 tomorrow and dinner is at 4:00.

John and I ironed about a dozen large tablecloths for the outdoor tables and the buffet tables. A friend was here ALL day doing the flowers-- rust colored calla lilies, deep orange roses, white hydrangeas and ivy for all to carry ,decorate the tables, the gate to the back and the front mailbox... all of these have ivy green ribbons.

John is going with me for the blood test at 7:30 in the morning, then we leave for the wedding about noon. I felt pretty good today but got weak this afternoon. We will know on Tuesday what is next.

This is again one of my favorite psalms...." Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, O, my soul, and forget not all His benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:1-5.....as I pray and trust for God to heal and take care of me.

"...In the day of my troubles I will call on You..."

I went to Sarah Cannon this morning for blood work and my white cell level was even lower. The nurse said it was "deathly low" and that I could not withstand any infection. I cannot eat out, go in crowds, eat any raw foods (salads, fruits) even those fixed at home. I cannot go to church Sunday but I can go to the wedding which is outdoors. I cannot eat the buffet dinner here...because someone could have breathed on the food. I will have the chef fix me a plate before putting the food out. I go to Centennial Hospital Sunday morning early for blood work to see what the level is by then. I am to wear a mask in the hospital Sunday morning. If it is still low, they can lower the experimental chemo to lesser strength on Tuesday when I go for regular blood draw. I personally think this is "Custer's last stand" because I think my body is worn out with the chemo... not my mind, but my body. So I pray I can take a lower dose and it will work and kill the cancer cells just like it is killing my good cells!

I know I am repeating myself about all the happenings, sorry about that...I am kind of in shock about being this "sick".

"You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my troubles, I will call on you, for you will answer me." Psalm 86:5-7

"...His love endures forever..."

Day 10 (or not) since I have not had the chemo pill since Monday, but today food tasted pretty good again. I go tomorrow for blood work and see if everything came back up toward normal, I guess I will start back on the pill. I am still on the antibiotic, which so far has not been any bad side effects. Antibiotics do not like me and I have a difficult time finding one that my body can tolerate. My mouth is still sore, lips tender, teeth sore from the chemo. I have such mixed feelings about all of this. If I feel this bad, will there ever be any days to feel good in between the "every three weeks port infusion"? I know I have to either do this or give up. I am not ready to give up.

Gene, my friend in Florida called today. He is the one who had the esophageal cancer. He is eating again, not totally normal but much better. He is gaining a little weight and really sounds good. He like me, lives from "scan to scan" to see if there is any cancer there. His doctor says he is cancer free for which everyone is so thankful and so elated. Those are words every cancer patient longs to hear.
Tonight we got to go hear the Nashville Symphony play Gershwin. The grand finale was "Rhapsody in Blue" and the chance to hear this was just tremendous. I was told to avoid crowds and not to touch anyone. We had wonderful seats in a box and "no one coughed around us" so I think I was safe. I really wanted to go and so we did! Today was another wonderful gift from God, as every day is!

"Give thanks to the Lord ,for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 118:1

"He is my fortress..."

I had not thought about sweet potato pie in ages...the Southern Living magazine for November has a recipe for that...It is much like sweet potatoes you put in a casserole only in a pie shell with meringue on top.
Grandma used to make fried sweet potatoes and she cut them into thin long slices, and let them fry in a skillet of Lard? or Crisco? and when they were crisp, drain them on a paper towel and sprinkle sugar on top. They were so good. and then she would use partly this same type of potatoes in a pie shell, bake it with the slices of potatoes and later meringue on top. Either way, sweet potato pie is so good.

This is day 9 but no chemo on day 8 or 9, and none tomorrow...Friday we will see how my blood is.They were sure correct when they said days 7-10 would be my worst days for low blood counts. So far, no temperature yesterday or today. My gums and teeth are sore. I remember that from the first chemo (cisplatin). I think being on the antibiotic kept me from being worse and/or having a deep infection. I really don't feel that bad, kind of tired. And the same, food tastes awful syndrome!
Maybe tomorrow will be better! Of course, I did not go out of the house today.

Psalm 62:1-2 "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken,"

"...day and night I cry out before you..."

Well, I did see "how it goes"!!! My white cell level is lower than low...I am now on a broad spectrum antibiotic to prevent pneumonia and worse. My red blood was very low also and I got a red cell shot. I am to stay away from anyone sick, not eat out at restaurants, call if I have any fever at all, and generally avoid everyone, especially anyone who is sick. This is going to be tough with the wedding this weekend, so I will be in a corner somewhere. I did not think I felt this bad???Maybe I do. I know I push always to do and not just sit around so I really don't know if I am sick or not!!! Anyway, I go back Friday for more blood tests and see if there is any improvement. I have lost another pound, going the wrong direction! I had a crock pot of vegetable soup waiting for us tonight and that really did taste good...one of the few things that has. I am in such hope for this chemo to work, but I have to be able to take it---for it to work!

Psalm 88:1-2 "O Lord, the God who saves me, day and night I cry out before you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry."

"...to Him be glory..."

I noticed, the blog title says (during my fourth cancer episode)...since I started this blog, there have been two more episodes at least. We counted up and this is #6 chemo (or #7) if you count the start by itself. I have been at Sarah Cannon Center since fall of 2006 and had four major surgeries since fall of 2006. We did our usual "every 4-5 months" seeing our primary physician, Dr. G.today. He thinks I am doing great and said I am "tough". Dr. G. thinks the fact that I have not had the tumor fevers since this chemo started might mean that this chemo is working! He and I agreed that we are on this earth doing God's will and he as well as all my doctors is a christian. I would have a tough time with a doctor who was not a "believer in Jesus and trusting God for daily sustenance". Yesterday day 6 and today day 7 were and are similar days, some nausea, some dizzy spells, little desire for food and the horrible taste of water. I really need to drink but oh my that taste! Yet with all this, I still thought it would be worse than this. It may yet be worse. At church yesterday, I was at arm's length not hugging anyone, I am in the neutropenia time period when I am the most vulnerable for infection. I go for labs tomorrow and see how it is all going.

"How to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory..." Ephesians 3:20-21