"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. ..."

I seek God's comfort... I am in constant pain unless I manage to sleep a while. I was X-ray ed and marked again today, and have the first radiation tomorrow. This time is different from the other treatments I had 3 years ago. I believe this one will be less harsh, because of having 25 times. The tough part is driving to town nearly every day (not on weekends). This pain has taken my eyes off Jesus...I am trying to focus, but the pain interferes. I try to pray and the pain is just there. Yesterday I was put to sleep and the stint replaced. The process is not bad, put to sleep and take a while to wake up. I came home and went right back to sleep until 2 AM then woke up in pain, but it was a good sleep!

Our son and his wife will be here part of this week and that will be so good, always good to be with family at Christmas. Also, I love having my two (living) children together. Our daughter (Cathy) always puts Johny's stocking up with the rest of the family's in his memory. Sadness like that---you learn to live with it. You wonder what he would have been like as an older man, being retarded, how self sufficient would he have been.This is when we see the blessings of his early death. He was very happy, but he did not have to live through a difficult life style.

Next week, will be nearly Christmas and we will be with the local family--two grandchildren, their mates and one great, and Cathy and Ronnie of course.

Isaiah 40 continues..."A voice of one calling: "In the desert prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. ..."And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it..." ( part of verses 1-5)

"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign..."

"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel...Isaiah 7:14 "For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given..." 9:6

Lights on houses, trees in windows, cards coming in the mail, caroling heard on the radio, presents wrap ed, emails from friends and family and wonderful messages at church about Jesus our savior.

I am praying and waiting, trying to be patient, wondering at God's will, why nothing is working out so far. Is this His plan for me? what next? I must be patient and focus on the important...the birth of Jesus!

"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth..."

I have not written, I am tired and hurting and tired of hurting!!! I am tired of doctors who do not call when they say they will. I am tired of treatments that are promised to start at a certain time that do not. I am tired of waiting to feel better because that treatment should make me feel better, etc.....

I am trying to eat and not loose weight. I can see how one becomes anorexic. Some days, I make myself eat because I realize that is necessary. I could just do without. I seldom really get hungry.

The possibility of radiation having healing properties is very appealing and I am clinging to that possibility. I have pushed myself and finished Christmas shopping. I am tired of talking about me! John is so excited thinking about going to Florida sometime in January. He is so sweet to gladly give up our planed cruise, because he knows I need to stay here for treatment. I hate to not do things he wants to do.He is still my sweetheart even after 59 years. (really 60 because of our dating over a year before we married)

Isaiah 49: 13 reads..."Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones." When we go to the MESSIAH, we will hear some of these words..."comfort His people" and singing of the " Lord's compassion..." What joy to hear Isaiah sung! "shout for joy!"

"...let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."

I have been so tired and unable to think about what to write. One day I am depressed and the next feel uplifted. We have been to about 2-3 doctors every day lately (either /or) and that is exhaustive. I saw the radiation doctor yesterday. He gave me much hope that he can radiate very small amounts five days a week for 25 treatments and kill most of the large abdominal tumor. He feels this will stop the pain and some other abdominal problems. I pray this is so! The pain doctor's treatment did not do much for the pain so far. Maybe it takes more that one treatment. This has nothing to do with the liver...that has to be taken care of by chemo. My oncologist today said about 1/4 of the liver is involved. He thinks by February we can attack the liver tumors.

John and I had planed to go on a cruise in January but that is out. I am not able to leave home and be away from medical care. So we got a letter from my doctor to send to the insurance company to return our money. We can use the airline tickets later. I praise God for sending me to Godly doctors, who are believers and know my care is in God's hands.

As we get into Christmas season, I love to read many passages from Isaiah. This is Isaiah 15:9 "Surely this is our God; we trust in Him, and He saved us; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."

Next week John and I are going to the Nashville Symphony "MESSIAH" and that just makes Christmas for me! "Let us rejoice..."

"For in Him we live..."

Acts 17:28 says "For in Him we live and move and have our being." Isn't this beautiful! Absolute and no worries about tomorrow or what ifs of anything that we think we control.

John and I went down the street tonight to an early American fort replica that was having open house and re-enactments. We tend to romanticize anything early American as being so wonderful and back to nature. It is back, OK! Fires and dirt floors, candles, bed at dark, animal skins for blankets. The re-actors had lots of singing and what has become country music with the Irish and English 1600's music the settlers brought over with them. We heard and sang along with Christmas songs and that was really fun. John has spent lots of time lately researching his ancestors and they would have been in the band perhaps who came here in 1768 to this fort, then headed south to Mississippi territory (now Alabama).

I am still not back to normal after the "tranquilizer" from Thursday for the pain block. I can just go to sleep anytime! The pain is better, not gone. I will find out Tuesday if there is another possible chemo. If not, then we will just let it all be in God's hands. I have had a wonderful nearly 8 years and I will never complain at God's care for me. "For in Him we live!"

"This is the confidence we have..."

"This is the assurance we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will , He will hear us. And if we know that He hears us--whatever we ask--We know that we have what we asked of Him." 1 John 5:14-15

The key to all this is "His will"..and I do not doubt that His will has kept me alive this long, and what goes now, is again in His will. I had the "put to sleep, needles in the L5 spine " today. It was not bad, they were all very supportive, informative, and hopeful. I was scared some to think of the needles in the spine, but I came home (with my ice pack) and slept most the rest of the day. There will be a repeat in 3 weeks. I know I am winding down somewhat. My energy level is much lower. I do not see how I can go back to the energizer bunny I have always been. But again, with God all things are possible. I still wear that bracelet that says that--every day!

God is so good to me and us. We have had more fun and trips and love in our family, more friends, more church support, than most anyone ever has. I am eternally thankful for blessings overflowing. Blessings to each as Christmas approaches. I LOVE every minute of this season. I really hate I don't feel like doing all I used to do. But there is a season for everything. Thank you, Father.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerorsthrough Him who loved us."