"The Lord is my portion..."

Continuing from Lamentations (3:24-24)..."I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him..."...there is a song we sing that follows these verses.

I was looking around at special objects I have on a shelf...more than a few are things Daddy sent when he was in Europe in WWII. He sent three clear blue vases from Paris..and he painted our initials on them (B for me and my next sister--baby sister was not here yet--and M for Mama--her name was Mary) He sent a huge crate once and these vases were in there and also a beautiful china bowl and five dinner plates he had found in the middle of war torn streets, sitting on a shelf of a former shop and he took these six pieces and sent them to us.I have told about the Ardenne Forrest painting a friend there in Belgium painted and sent to Mama and I have that. Also, a demi-Tass cup with a family crest that I think came from Scotland. I have a pencil box that some little boy let Daddy have (probably in return for chocolate) and he sent it to me. Daddy made a small doll size corner cupboard from packing crates, painted it red and blue and I have had it all these years, playing with it then and using it for collectibles these past 50+ years. He also made me a jewelry box and carved my initials in the top. As with all these things he made them with love and I have always treasured them. If Daddy was not doing his army job (he was in the post office) then he was always doing something for us, or writing poems and letters to Mama. Sometime, I will have to tell about his letters to Mama.

This has been a good day, I got lots done, but I have been tired today for some reason and back ache...wonder if the gall stone is moving around??Maybe I will have more energy tomorrow.

The Lord's great love...

I have talked to various family members(even cousins calling from out of state, as well as family here) and they all worry as I am trying to decide about the chemo. I am praying for wisdom from God and think maybe I should not try the patupalone "remake". It was so harsh last time and I do not have the reserves I had then. I still need to talk to my doctor...see what other possibilities he has for me.

I am constantly thinking of past happenings to put in this blog and leave for my family--things that they would not know. I have a monopoly board I received for Christmas when I was about 10. It is all there except the top lid. We have not played it in years--no one ever wants to play that!
I also have two books, one of poems from about 8 years old and one about "three little kittens" that I probably had at about 5-6 years old. I had my doll high chair until last year when I gave it to our 4 year old "great". That high chair no longer has the "apron" across the front. I have told about my cat Jerry. I would dress him in doll clothes and he would sit in that high chair. He would do anything I wanted him to do...boy ,he was patient! He would also allow himself to be dressed and rolled around in my doll buggy. I have a picture of him in that high chair.
At those ages, you want to be older, and the years do go fast , especially later on.

I have still had nausea, and take my zofran. I would think by now the chemo would have worn off and I would not have any side effects. Food still is not that good. My family is concerned by how "thin" I am.
Well I have another 6 days of no rat poison so I am enjoying this "freedom".

These verses from Lamentations are so wondrous---3:22-23, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness." I know this is why we can get up each day with renewed courage, energy and optimism. Please pray with us that the right chemo will be offered next Tuesday.

"Choose you this day whom you will serve..."

I think I have heard (my mind does not always get things just right) that in the book of Joshua ,in the Old Testament, that Joshua says more than any place else in the Bible "do not be afraid". He also says over and over to "be strong and courageous". We have been to the ruins of Jericho and to the Jordan River where they crossed over in the flood (that stopped for them). How exciting seeing how Joshua, with God's strength, takes over after Moses died.
Our nephew and his wife came to visit us and our daughter and son-in-law. He is the son of my sister who died and he and his wife live in Florida. Seeing him is like a little piece of my sister and it was so good to be with them and feel the family connection.
Today has been a good day; our great was here part of the day and that is always fun--to be with her. I am really wondering about more chemo. It is not that I don't want to live, but I am so tired of the side effects. Maybe another experimental would not be so harsh...I am not sure I can stand the repeat chemo. My mind just keeps going in circles. I want to be strong, and I know, really know, that God is in control of me and my life! I pray for clear direction and wisdom in deciding on a chemo.

Joshua 24:15 (part of this was on our kitchen wall at our other house and I am going to get it on this wall also) "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."
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Jars of clay

"We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us..." 2 Corinthians 4:7
This week I have certainly felt like a "jar of clay" with weird pains, nausea, and thinking "can I really start that chemo again (patupalone-like chemo)?" I really know God showed me so plainly that this last one was not the right one, with the tumors growing as I took it. So, I am praying that if this next one is not the right one, the insurance company will not approve it, then we will find another one and know this was also not right!
We had young friends come to see us tonight. His job (company) is a Chimney Sweep. We met them about 23 years ago. Our Johny died 25 years ago this last weekend. We met this couple a year and a half later...and they were born the same year as Johny!Her parents were deceased very young and his parents live in Seattle. We just instantly became good friends and almost child/parent relationship. We have traveled together, gone to craft fairs, eaten out many times, enjoyed each other's gardens, and just visited lots over the years. One time (when we had the B&B) she came by and I introduced her as our daughter, then in the conversation it came up how we met, and I had to do lots of explaning! Actually we met, when we had a chimney fire and he was the one we called to repair our chimney. God does wondrous things in putting us in the right place at the right time to meet friends. So when God had Johny to be in heaven, he gave us two new friends who have been such a blessing .

"..I pray to you, O Lord..."

Psalm 69:13 "But I pray to you, O Lord, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation."

Today was good until this afternoon, then the fever and nausea came back. I have not had chemo for 3 weeks but my body just still has after effects from the last one. I have had some precious comments from friends thinking of me and praying for me.

One of Grandma's sister's was renowned for her "boiled custard". Now this is not egg nog but the old fashioned cook- in- the -double- boiler- kind. I use the same recipe but make it in the microwave, cooking it about 2 minutes at a time and stirring well, for about 8 minutes or so. I usually double the recipe and use a large glass bowl. This is a single recipe

1 quart milk
4 eggs (can use egg beaters)
3/4 cup sugar
a pinch of salt

beat thoroughly, cook as above, when slightly thickened, add a little vanilla flavoring and chill

All the aunts put a little (vinegar) in theirs...most of the children in the family did not know what was in the "vinegar pitcher" until they were grown! This is wonderful with coconut cake!
Blessings to each

Future glory...

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us...In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express..." Romans 8:18, 26.....not to compare mortal suffering with what the saints went through but this is comforting to consider that no matter what we go through, God is there and the Spirit is praying for us and THAT is definitely what is comforting!
I did not write last night because I was in intense pain from midnight Tuesday until bedtime Wednesday and the doctor sent me a pain killer and I finally got relief and slept and today has been fine. This is so weird, have no idea what the pain is..Hope it is the gall stone moving around! But whatever it is, it is a "10" on that little scale the doctor asks you about regarding pain!
A few more thoughts on our girl's trip---St Simon Island is quite historic, and Eugenia Price , a prolific writer did a trilogy about this island. Reading these three books then going there makes the island and its history really come alive. You see the houses where people lived then you read about them...you go to the cemetery and see the graves of those she writes about and you read about in history.
During the middle 1800's to the early 1900's the families who came to these island off the Georgia coast (Jekyll, St. Simon, Cumberland, etc..) possessed 1/5 of the world's wealth!!!This is hard to believe. They spent a month here, another "season" in New York, another in New England, then on to Palm Beach and where ever they wanted to go. They had cottages in some cases at these vacation spots but the ones up north were more elegant (several million dollar homes). We really had fun seeing what remains of this rich life style.
I have thought and pondered of what is next for me. I know I repeat some Bible verses but there are some that are so needed, like "the Spirit praying for us" and I don't know how to ask and what to pray for...God has so wondrously given me going on 7 years more of life and I am so grateful, so do I ask for more? I can only ask for His taking care of me and John and thank God for each day.

"He gives strength to the weary..."

"...and increases the power of the weak....but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary. they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31
well my CT was not good...I have two new tumors and two of the older ones have increased in size. Obviously the chemo did not work for me. We will try plan "x" or whatever the next one is. I took the chemo "patupelone" several years ago and quit it because it was so harsh, but it did get rid of the cancer for a year. It has been taken off the market as an experimental but is back on as an approved drug with some changes, under another name. My doctor is going to see if my insurance will approve it for me and we will try it and see if I can take it and not have too many side effects. I don't know how I feel...I told the doctor I will not do any chemo that makes me sick more than half the time. I have to have good quality of life at least half the time or it is not worth it. I think I am "blue" but then I think, God really sent a message that this is not the chemo for me! So I will try this old/new one and see how bad the side effects are. There are still two or more experimentals we could try. I still KNOW God is in charge of my life and I will abide in His will.