"...I've run for dear life to you..."

"Keep me safe, O God. I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, 'be my Lord!' Without you , nothing makes sense." The Message, Psalm 16:1

When Daddy came home from the war, I was almost 11 years old. One of the first things he did, was buy me my first bicycle! I don't remember begging for one but I must have wanted one very much. That was so exciting! Another wonderful happening was that we moved back next door to our house to live. The two years he was gone, Mama, and my next sister lived with Grandma and Grandpa (next door to our house) and our house was rented out. We stayed in our house the rest of my time until I married and until Mama and Daddy built another house about 25 years later.

A good friend and I were talking about Christmas dinners---it won't be long---and we and this couple have spent Christmas Eve morning together for 53 years (except one year when snow prevented anyone going anywhere). Actually she and I started first grade together and have been friends all these years. There are about a dozen of us who went through high school together and still see each other--what a blessing to have friends like this!

This is day 5...today has been good, just the strange food tastes, and some dizziness, sometimes difficult to feel balanced. The first chemo 6 years ago did that, also. But not much nausea today, and that is very good! I feel so blessed, especially when John prays for me throughout the day.

"...my soul waits..."

Could these "bright blue days of October" be any prettier? That is what Grandma used to call these days with endless blue skies, no clouds, and alas, no rain! We do need some rain so badly. Isn't it funny how memories of 60-70 years ago will just rush through your mind...where did that come from? I can see myself playing in the rain in Grandma's yard, jumping off a rock that seemed so large (I looked at it years later--about 6 inches high). There were little "creeks" that ran down through the yard in the rain, and down to the big creek. I would run down these streams, loving the water...it never seemed to be thunder or lightening, no danger...just fun. One of these summer days, the cow had a calf born in the front yard. I never knew how she came to be out in the front , but can remember that baby calf being born there.

Grandma had a long driveway around the house. I suppose the yard comprised of almost two acres, front and back, two creeks and all. Mama drove pretty fast around that driveway and one day, she "tore" around the driveway to the back, pushed it into park, except she hit reverse , and drove back smack into and through the smokehouse! It tore up the smokehouse that had stood there all those years! The car was not in too bad a condition, but had to be pulled out of that building!

Oh these memories...

Today was a better day, kind of. I was a little nauseous and took zofran twice, and slept some but really not a bad day. Each day, I wonder if this is as bad as it will get? I know days 7-10 will be the lowest point as far as blood levels go, and I need to be careful about hugging others...had not worried about that the past two chemo's but need to now. I am so vulnerable to infection with low white cell count. Each day is an adventure. I am thankful for each day of life! "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits and in His word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5

"Look to the birds of the air..."

Day 3 of new chemo....water tastes like a fish pond! No kidding, really yucky! Food tastes pretty bad also, even crackers are like cardboard ( and I usually can tolerate nuts, crackers and chips). We ate out tonight for John's birthday --still celebrating!-- and the french fries were awful...my standby in case of nausea.

So how am I going to gain weight if food is so terrible?
Tonight we are getting excited and making plans for the wedding, and it will be really nice, with the chef using our kitchen as well as our daughter's and the food out on the porches. The wedding is at 2:00 and the "dinner" will be about 4:00 so the time of day should be really pleasant, out in the yard.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important that clothes? Look to the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:25-27

This time of year makes me want to go camping again. The crisp mornings reminds me of our being in our tent and building a fire to cut the early morning chill, sitting there seeing the sun come up and planning the day hiking and eating picnics at the falls. Even if we never do these things again, the memories are there.

"...a spirit of power..."

II Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."...in The Message, this reads..."God doesn't want us to be shy with His gifts, but bold and loving and sensible."

Day 2..of new chemo. I am still "hyped up" on the pre-dose of benedrill, or the daily pill is making me nervous and kind of really hyper inside. I really am not hungry but trying to eat since I need to gain weight. (Never thought I would hear those words)

Church tonight, busy sewing today, friend who cleans house for me was here today, my sister came over, so it was like open house all day. We are trying to get ready for the wedding in 10 days. One of our grandson's is marrying and we are all doing various things to get ready. John is performing the ceremony, the reception is here afterwards, with part of the family involved in helping in that.

Our lesson is our class tonight was from the verse in Timothy and it struck me how little I use the power God gives me to ask Him for help each day..I do but not enough. We need to be really bold in seeking strengh each day to fight this evil cancer! Some days I feel the strength He gives and other times I feel like just giving up. But when I write this, I know I will not give up, with His power and strength given to me.

John had a very good birthday today, I cooked his favorite waffles with fresh peaches and whipped cream for breakfast. So "Happy birthday" to my love!

" we are the people of His pasture..."

First day for the new chemo...I even have an "ID card" to carry with me. When I jokingly told the nurse--"ah, the new rat poison!"--- and she said "oh, I don't know" and I said "it would kill a rat, wouldn't it?" and she agreed. Anyway, it started with the benedrill to protect organs, then the new stuff (an everyday pill followed by the infusion every 3 weeks), then the one hour liquid through the port . That was it...out of there in 3 hours. I go every week to check blood levels (this weeks were pretty good--being off for 2 months helped) and get another weeks supply of the pill chemo ( and show my diary of taking it and hours, etc.). The third week I have a long 8 hour day and lots of blood work and everything all over again, and heart ECHO test again. In between, lots of possible side effects so we are praying for little of these.

A friend gave me this saying: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the places and moments that take our breath away."

Tomorrow is John's birthday--cannot believe where the years have gone...there will never be enough years to be together! We are blessed to be doing as well as we are.

"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care..." Psalm 95:6-7

Ministering spirits...

"Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?" Hebrews 1:14 Still thinking about my visiting angel on Saturday!

I saw another doctor today...and she also said this chemo is the most wonderful opportunity for me so that is four doctors who think I can really, hopefully, maybe, knock down some of this cancer...I dare not say "cure" but I did have a year without cancer with part of this drug 5 years ago. Oh, how wonderful that would be if possible to have that again!!! That is the dream of every cancer patient. And, yes, I know God can and He is faithful and Yes, I Believe! So we can see how it goes.

For some reason, I thought about some chickens we had when we first married. John built the hen house off the ground a little and had wire on the ground, and during the night something came under the wire and ate off their feet and legs! That was horrible! He rebuilt the house with a FLOOR and the new chickens were very happy there. Isn't that awful!

Another thought, at the grocery today I saw "hominy"...does anyone ever eat that anymore? (evidently they do) Does anyone remember grandparents making it? Corn soaked in LYE in a kettle, and then washing it over and over and then it is OK to eat. I remember it being rather tasteless, unless you put meat grease with it. This is another old-timey recipe.

Speaking of recipes, when Johny was alive he loved to eat at a local mom-and-pop restaurant and we ate there so much the owner gave me her recipe for rolls. They are so good and so easy, and will keep for a week in the fridge. If they turn a little "gray" just stir them up and they are still good. Be sure and keep it in an airtight container.

Drop Rolls
2 cups warm water , 1 pkg dry yeast , 1/2 cup sugar,
1/2 cup melted butter , 2 beaten eggs , 4 cups self rising flour

Mix the yeast in the warm water, add all the rest, flour last. Fill muffin pans 1/2 full (greased) and bake at 375 for 20 minutes.
Enjoy!

"Ask and it shall be given to you..."

We ,and some good friends, had a great three days in the mountains...Virginia...and went to two good plays at the Barter Theatre Playhouse in Abingdon, VA...I have talked about the Barter Theatre before. We drove through the winding mountain roads, and just rambled. The golden rod and wild purple asters were everywhere! My grandmother's birthday was October 1 and she always loved the autumn flowers, especially the golden rod. We went to the White's Mill which was built about 1790 and is slowly being restored. They still make cornmeal there. We also ended up down a mountain road with a wonderful flowing stream and a really large log house. The house had little candle lights in the windows. A lady in the yard came over to the car and talked to us. She was so interesting! She and her sister live there and the grounds were formerly their home place. Beside the house was what looked like a storage building...they love cats and it has ended up being a "cat house"---about 10 right now. The racoons got so bad after the cat food, she has started trapping the coons, and taking then to a "Coon Club" over the mountain...where the coons are released and become "bait" for the hunters!

The days were perfect, about 70 degrees and great blue skies... I could not eat much. I don't know why I have no appetite. I will ask tomorrow at the doctor's. I was so glad to have a few days of almost being normal. But at the play last night, I got very nauseous at the intermission...got up and ran to the bathroom. My friend went with me, I was leaning over the sink with a damp cloth on my head and sudderly a lady (who,I promise you, was not there before) was beside us and said "here is a lemon drop--they are good for nausea, I will pray for you" and she left. That was a "wow, this is an angel" moment!!!!! Today was ok, still not much appetite but I am used to that. Just thankfulness for every moment of every day!

"Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks received; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened ." Matthew 7:7-8