"His good purpose..."

Yesterday, our "great" was here and we raked leaves and she jumped in them...what fun! (I remembered how Daddy would rake big piles of leaves and we would swing really high in our rope swing and jump out into the leaves! )As usual she ate breakfast with us this morning...she always does then goes to church with her grandparents (our daughter and son in law) we were talking about family kin and it is difficult for a 6 year old to be able to know who is what kin in the family. She got most of it right, except my sister (her great aunt)...she did not know that is my sister. We found an old picture of us as children and "great" was amazed at us being little, etc.

I had to get a repairman come to work on the sewing machines yesterday. He lives in Westmoreland. I told about my aunt and uncle who (he was a stationmaster for the railroad in Westmoreland)used to lived next door and part of the time would live in Westmoreland. A few years ago the town moved the old train station and part of it ended up built onto this repairman's house. What a coincidence!!!Actually his parents lived there then he bought the house and has lived those 40 years. Where in the world would I meet someone who lived in that train station!!! Now, we have got to go there and see that house. It is sad when old buildings are torn down. There is a parking lot there now where the train station used to be.

Our preacher today talked about contentment, and how we can look for "God's good" in every situation. Philippians 2:13 says "for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose."

"The earth is the Lord's..."

John and I drove to Franklin and Leepers Fork today, and came back through part of the Natchez Trace. The leaves were prettier there than anywhere we have been. This is south of Nashville. The original Natchez Trace went from Nashville to Natchez, Miss.and was used by settlers who would carry goods down the Mississippi River and come back up the Trace. It was a wild and dangerous place back in the 1800's. Gradually the trace fell into disuse and was just about gone, but then was "found again" and today's Trace follows part of the original walkway. You can get off the road and see the old trace in various places. The waggon ruts are three feet deep in some places. When I was small there was a huge tree in Centennial Park that had a spring next to it, and at one time there was an Inn there and it was the beginning of the Natchez Trace. Now the tree is gone, no part of the spring or inn remains (I guess it is long covered in roads) and a historical sign tells about this old road. There is a city street called Natchez Trace here in Nashville but it ends after a couple of miles, then there is no trace until you get about 15 miles out past the county line then the new Trace starts and a bridge is a unique double arched bridge It is unbelievably tall and goes through a deep valley close to Leepers Fork.

We met two special people today..part of my recognizing special happenings each day! While shopping in Franklin (got to shop) the lady who helped me shared that she had lost her husband to leukemia 15 years ago. She has now married a minister and moved here from Birmingham. She was so special and said she would pray for me. What a blessing to meet someone you do not know and have a sharing like that. Then when we stopped at the bridge we met a family who has moved here from Wisconsin and they have five children, one of whom nearly died from leukemia and one of the sisters gave her bone marrow and saved her life. This family shared this with us, and told how they love being in Tennessee and what prayer meant to their family. Another blessing today to meet such a family!

So this was a special day, in people we met and beauty of landscape we saw. My knees are still sore and swollen and my fingers are incredibly sore but we still had a good day.


Psalm 24:1 says "The earth is the Lord's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;..."

"You are forgiving and good, O God..."

A friend wrote me to tell how she handles problems and troubles. She has a notebook and tries to list any GOOD happening during a day...not all the time, but much of it. Example, when a car lets you in front, when a stranger smiles and says "hello", when a rainbow appears, just beautiful happenings through a day. What a neat idea!!!

When I list my bad things, I hope you don't think I am being negative all the time. I am telling what is going on and what the cancer or chemo is doing to me. BUT, I
DO focus on the negative mostly, and I need to also tell about the good things along the way. SO, my friend gave me a lovely idea ,to list good along with the bad .

So, today, besides the bad, the swelling in my feet and legs, the sore knees, the cracked fingers, and no hair---The trees are lovely red, gold and orange. John and I drove into the country and saw these trees, several log cabins rebuilt by homes, streams, and decorations. We were in a store and talked to a couple who had decided to retire here (from Chicago). Last week we got to talking to some who had retired here from California. So, it seems we live in a much admired area. We think there is not much better place than middle Tennessee. And my number one nice/good things of today is having my husband who loves me bald or with hair. He says he is "married to two women".

God loves us no matter what He is "abounding in love to all who call on [Him]. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy." Psalm 86: 5-6

"Be joyful always; pray continually;..."

"...give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I got my head shaved today...my knees are stiff and aching...my fingers are still cracked open...all of this is side effects of chemo.

I can pray but it is difficult to give thanks, but I am trying.

"if God is for us, who can be against us?"

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. .....What then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:28-29, 31

I opened my Bible and this is where it fell open, and I had already marked this passage and read it often...so it seemed to be my verses for tonight. Today was doctor day, blood is up some, almost to the point of receiving chemo, white cell count at 1.1 (normal starts at 2) and I can receive chemo at 1.5 so next week should be the time to start back. I do not have to be as careful and we ate out today!!! They will reduce the dosage amount next week (and for others also) as it seems to be too strong. That is why they call this "experimental". I really think it is exciting to be part of this experimenting...what if a great cure is discovered? What if my cure is discovered??? My fingers are cracked open but getting better, my skin has blood spots, like bruises, caused by the low white cells. Most of my hair is gone and will be gone after next weeks chemo. I am so thankful for cards from friends, for phone calls and for caring shown to us.

My friend Gene (in Florida) called today and he is feeling so good, he got to go fishing last week, and is going back to work some ,and is feeling so good. He is able to eat more, not normally yet, but enough to gain some. He, like I, thank God every day for life, for family and for friends. We thank God for wonderful doctors, for things we take for granted. And, being human, live from "scan to scan".

"What does the Lord require ..."

"And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8
Another day of just doing busy things getting ready for tomorrow. Our grandson came by, back from his honeymoon, and was shocked to see me with almost no hair. I don't wear a wig around the house. I seem to have many sentence prayers all though the day. I feel so "living because God is permitting me to" each day--as if this time is so special and I need to do something special but don't know what that would be. I want to hold on to each day but they slip away so fast.

More memories---Occasionally Daddy would buy unclaimed boxes or luggage from some storage business. Once ,he got a box full of old pictures, letters and embroidery, pieces of fabric and thread, all really old. He gave me part of this and I tried to trace any relative using the family name and calling post offices from the area. The town in the letters no longer exists and I tried to call all those family names listed in the phone directory. I called museums from that area but never found anyone who had any relative by those names. How sad! Someone loved those family members and treasured that embroidery. The one special piece,I had framed and now I treasure this. Back about 150 or even 200 years ago all girls learned to sew and embroidery by making a "sampler", using many creative ways to sew the alphabet and numbers and often a poem, and their name and date. This sampler I have has three rows of alphabets, one unfinished. There is a row of numbers , a few unfinished pictures around the sides, maybe trees or flowers. The fabric is very fine, small thread count linen. A few letters at the lower edge are possibly her name, not finished.

The poem is: "O I must remember that I am born to die for lifetime is not forever for beauty must decay and my poor body lie moldering in the clay"
Isn't that morbid? Those years ago so many children died young, I guess they expected such. I would date this sampler at about 200 years ago because at that time, our alphabet had no "J", only 25 letters, and this alphabet shows that. Some history books say that "I" and "J" were used interchangeably then.

Christmas is two months away---I am not ready!!!

"...my God will hear me."

"...as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me." Micah 7:7

Almost all my hair has fallen out. The other times, I have gone and had my head shaved before this stage. I just pull on it each day and more falls out and I put it in the trash, so it is nearly gone. The worst part is waking up in the morning with hair on the pillow and in my mouth...ptouey.....(or whatever).

We went to church today, went late and left just before it was over so I did not have much chance to talk or shake hands, and no hugging. I feel so isolated and out of the bunch of friends at church, I miss Sunday School and friends there. I miss talking to everyone walking through the halls and atrium. I miss hugs and seeing how everyone is. I just miss life as it normally is. Will I ever have a normal life anymore? Sorry for my "pity party" but I do have to think about these things sometimes. Also, my fingers have cracked open in 5 places...they really hurt, especially if I hit them against something.

As I go to sleep, naps or night, I say the "Lord's Prayer", sometimes falling asleep as I say it. It has become my comfort zone for me. I put the Prayer Shawl over me that the friend made for me. I wish I could learn to crochet and make those. I tried but did not do very well. I need to try again.

I am not much good tonight, just rambling, counting days until Tuesday and FINALLY some decision may be made about do we or don't we do this chemo!!!

So, God, please hear me, I "wait for God, my Savior".