"I have finished the race ..."

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
(2 Timothy 4:7)

Beverly Faye Grayson

November 15, 1934 - April 24, 2012

"Rejoice in the Lord..."

Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 also says, "Give thanks in all circumstances..." so here we are, with a very bad CT, in fact, there is nothing left for us to do except let God and nature take its course. I have fought for 8, going on 9 years in May with 7 surgeries, 5 of them major, and 8 chemos, 2 rounds of radiation and there is no fight left...my body is worn out.

I have struggled over the years with these Bible passages--how can I be thenkful for cancer? I have come to peace with the answer...this time has brought many blessings, and I have lived to see our 9 "greats" being born, I have drawn closer to God than I believe I ever would have, in a much deeper walk, been able to co-author a devotioonal book which Cathy Messecar and I hope can find a publisher and come out this fall. I pray the book will give anyone in this battle, the courage and knowledge that God is there, with you, all the way.

I see other blessings, as my body wears out, that I will not outlive the other physical problems that would arise in me, creating more physical ailments. God is removing me in time to prevent kidney failure, and other illnesses I praise Him each day as I walk closer to my God and depend on my saviour Jesus to welcome me home sometime soon. I am sad to leave John but not sad to leave this beast--cancer--that has inhabited me for so long now.

Other family stories coming up as I think back over the years.

"I love the Lord, for He heard my voice..."

For a week, all I have done is "crawl " from bed to couch and back again, too tired at night to even think, let alone write. Today was minimally better, in that I might feel a little more strength. I need to because tomorrow I go for CT, head, chest, abdomen and trunk..the whole works. My doctor wasts to see if there is any cancer in my brain, causing this continuing nausea. It has been 3 weeks since chemo and I did not "bounce back" at all!

As I am semi-awake, I think of more memories...snippets of happenings..like when Cathy took Agriculture class It her high school, the first girl to ever do this. That was he sophomore year and by the time she was a senior, there were lots of girls in the class. They learned how to saw beams/rafters, how to castrate bulls, how to do much of what is done around the farm. She loved it. Years later when she started her decorating business, guess who knew how to cut boards and "dress" curtains on them! No knowledge is ever wasted.

One little thing Grandma used to say--to me, "are you my child or Mary's?" I was over there so much it was hard to tell!

Another thing, she would have "sinking spells" occasionally and she would say, " if you come in and I am lying on the floor, just step over me, ignore me, and I won't cry"...how funny, I guess these were depressions? who knows.

Psalm 116:1-2 says..."I love the Lord for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned his ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live."

i have not written for 4 days because I have been too weak, nauseous, shaky, crawl from bed to couch, sick...Also, because this was my 3rd week off chemo Cathy Messecar came for us to finish the layout of my (and our) devotional book that is based on the blog and life of a cancer patient. Part of the time, I lay on the couch and we went thru manuscripts and part from a chair. Either way, Zofran is keeping we going some what, but food is not very good.

I went to Dr Infante today and "everything depends on what the CT shows next week." He wants to also do a scan of my head to make sure the cancer has not spread. Anyway, he keeps reminding me that "by all rights I should have been gone 6 years ago". He is very honest with me and I will update as I find out more.

For now, I am so blessed to be alive and have taken part in the 9 "greats" lives. God is still in control and I depend on Him....Isaiah 55: 8 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord..."

Later in 55:12 He says, " You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace..."