Wednesday, March 31, 2010

" unfailing love for you will not be shaken.."

Isaiah 54 :10 continues, " nor my covenant of peace be removed" says the Lord who has compassion on you."
The Lord has compassion of us, for which I am very thankful. Tomorrow is the CT for which we have tried not to think about for three months. This rest has been so wonderful, living like a "normal" person, enjoying the taste of food (which we take for granted), enjoying what I assume is normal strength and energy for someone "my age". Since I have been battling this cancer for nearly six years, I really don't know what "normal" is like. but I know I have felt really good these three months. I will not complain regardless, because too many blessings have come from these six years. I have gotten to be part of the lives of our seven "greats".I have been blessed to see the five grandchildren choose their mates, and we love them all so dearly. So whatever we have tomorrow is God's will, and I am ready to see whatever and rest on God's unfailing love.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

.."we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

Romans 5:2 tells us how we rejoice in the glory of God. Thank you God for this hope and glory! My oncology nurse called me today to ask how the trip was and to say, that my oncologist is going to be able to get me into the chemo trial he wanted me to be in last December. When I got so sick and could not do chemo for a few months, we thought that was out. But it is not, so I feel very blessed to get into this clinical trial, which has very few side effects, and he hopes will be very effective. I feel like God was holding my place open for me! He is keeping me alive for His purposes, and I hope all our friends' prayers, all our family hope and prayers are being realized. The Ct is only two days away and it will tell just how bad or good I am doing. This call today was very encouraging.
We worked in the yard today, I did alot of digging in flowerbeds. I was not sure how I would do but it went well, so I still have strength to do this work in the yard.
Thank you God for your peace and hope and the glory of your presence in our lives.

Monday, March 29, 2010

"The Lord will keep you from all harm..."

Well John had such wonderful news today--his heart is still in rhythm, and the medicine is doing what it is supposed to do. We are so thankful and so thrilled that he is feeling a little more energetic. While we were on our trip, we talked and reminisced over our lives and things we did growing up. You never know how small occurrences can change your entire life. I have told you how John's grandfather had the house along the highway and most of the family lived up and down that road. There were lots of aunts, uncles and cousins though there. During world War II, John's brother and cousins were older and they were in the war, leaving John as one of the few younger cousins at home. The aunts and his mother would get John to drive them to the movies alot--using a cousin's car left at home--but John was not old enough to have a license. They would go down the road and if they did not see a policeman, they would make it to the movie and if they saw one, they would turn around and come back times!
You never know what small happenings can change your entire life. When John was in the fifth grade, he had an illness, (the doctor thought maybe malaria)and he missed alot of school. John's mother said to just let him repeat that grade. This made John 18 in his senior year of high school. His brother had just been killed and The draft took him from school for his physical. The Sullivan Brothers were killed, a law was passed that the only surviving brother could not be drafted, so John did not have to go to war. If he had not repeated the 5th grade, he would have already been drafted when his brother was killed and who knows what. What an evidence of God taking care of his life. As Psalms 121 continues, ...He will watch over your life; The Lord will watch over your comings and going both now and forevermore."

Sunday, March 28, 2010

"If the Lord had not been on our side.."

well I lost the first post I was writing..maybe I was not supposed to say what was there.We came home to sadness, as the son of very dear friends was killed in a traffic accident while we were gone. He leaves a wife and two children..a terrible, needless accident not of his doing. Our cousin, Anna, of whom I have written, is failing in health and they have hospice called in now. So quickly, life can change and we need to especially enjoy and be aware of the blessings of each day. I know so real now that I did not appreciate my health for most of my life. We take things for granted. We should fall on our knees each day in thankfulness for everything, blessings, family, friends, just life in general. Tomorrow is John's heart doctor and checking to see how the medicine is working and hopefully keeping his heart in rhythm. This is supposed to be a warm spring week, good for working in the yard. I hope I feel like doing this. I still in my mind, am able to do everything I always did. This spring will be a test to see if that is true!!! As Psalm 124 says, the Lord is "on our side", and our help is in the Maker of Heaven and earth..."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Back to reality

If any of you read my blog daily, I know you wondered where we were!!!Lots of things are going on...first, John and I took a very needed vacation. I do NOT believe anyone DESERVES anything...just being God's creation and child is reward for anyone...but, all things being equal, we really did need a get-away. Especially John!!! For six months, he has been my rock, through my two surgeries (abdominal and brain), chemo, nearly dying from three major infections in December, three rounds of radiation. We were so exhausted and wrung out! Also, John is having major eye problems, with macular degeneration, and we are hoping the doctor can save one of his eyes. So, all my doctors, maneuvered and arranged all things to be done, so we could be gone for 17 days in March. We left here and flew to San Diego March 10, got on a cruise ship on March 11 and cruised to Hawaii, around the islands and back and flew back home yesterday, March 26. I will tell more about the trip later--the point is that the trip was such a blessing! I hardly thought about upcoming CT and chemo, maybe more radiation, and whatever lies ahead. God richly blessed us with a smooth trip, safety in every way, and fun times together.
I received a card from a dear friend and the Bible reference she wrote in this card was Psalms 12:1-2 perfect for having seen many blessings of His creation: " I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."
So now we get back to reality..I have two days this week with multiple appointments and John has two also. I am scared if I think about it--over a month with no treatments or Ct or doctor to check so what will they find this week???
In the apartment we are building at our daughter's and son-in-law's, she wrote Bible verses on many of the wall studs before the dry wall went up--so we will be "covered" with the Bible in this new home. I will not fear, because "my help comes from the Lord"!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."

Psalm 150:1 "Praise the Lord. Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty heavens."
Buttercups are blooming, the dove is still setting above the window. Every morning, I say "good morning, little bird" and she just blinks and watches us. I am SURE she understands!
I am still feeling so good, physically, I cannot believe I still have cancer. The dream is that when I have the next CT that it would all be gone. I am sure that is every cancer patients dream.
John and I are coming to terms with his loss of his right eye-sight. This happened so quickly-the last doctor visit he was fine! He seems to not be worried about it, but then he is not a bad "worrier".

Our cousin, Anna, about whom I wrote several weeks ago, (she was the WWII army nurse and is 91), has taken a bad turn and is in a nursing home. She learned she has a bone cancer and all the medicines she is on (and the disease) has really gone hard with her. We are so distressed because she has been so strong for so long. So we are in prayer for her and her family.
We have to also be positive about the many years we have had the joy of being with her.
We thank God for all His goodness and all the blessings He gives us.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.."

As I told, we are trying to sell our home and build an apartment on our daughter and son-in-law's home. It is coming along very fast, and today I just nearly cried...I should not be sad, but I am saying again, it is traumatic to "get rid of" so much of our life's memories, furniture and dishes, linens, quilts, just so much from parents, and grandparents. We have always shared with our family and have given lots and lots of these things to all as they grew up and started homes, especially when we downsized 11 years ago and moved to this house. But this is the way of life, like with grandma's little basket.(I wrote about this a month or so ago). Our daughter said today, "just look around our house and you will feel like you are at home, with so much of your furniture here!" That is true, and I know this is the best, I just have to have my "pity party" sometimes. I also know God is arranging this for our good, because as the 23rd Psalm says, "{He} is my shepherd and I shall not want..."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

We are children of God

I missed writing yesterday...We attended a beautiful wedding in which two children of the bride were maid of honor and best man...what a wonderful way to start a new blended family! The bride's father was the preacher so it was a real "family affair". I love to see families working together and being happy together. I also thought, 30 minutes of this ceremony changes your entire life forever. I pray they will be strong and happy together.
Thinking of family, I remembered some old family stories ---if I don't tell these happenings, my children and grandchildren will never know these stories.
Grandma used to tell how HER grandfather fought in the Civil War. She remembered seeing him buried in his confederate uniform. She also told how during one of the battles close to home, he purposely ate a "green fly" to get sick so he could go home to recuperate. The thought makes me ill!!!
My Grandpa was a traveling salesman for paint supplies (traveling in a horse and buggy) when he was courting grandma. After they married, he and his two brothers started their paint company (in 1912) and the company remained through three generations. Their names were Aaron, Henry and Mose. During World War II when supplies were very difficult to get, he called a wholesaler in New York and spoke to the owner and told him "I need some linseed oil, and I am Aaron and my brother Moses is here...." They got the linseed oil!
Another time, back when they were boys, someone was going down the dirt road and stopped and said "little boy what is your name?" Grandpa said "Aaron". The man said "and where is Moses?" and Grandpa said, "he's in the house." They had fun with their names.
I have heard that as long as a person remembers someone who is dead,that person still lives ( in memory). i am thankful for all those long porch evenings when I was a child, listening to the grownups talking.
I am thankful for feeling really good right now, knowing I still have a month before the chemo (rat poison) starts again. Just think how much God loves us, as IJohn 3:1 says, "How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are."

Friday, March 5, 2010

"Strength to the weary..."

Today started out as a usual day--going to two doctors. We try to get several on the same day to save a little on gas going into town.The first doctor was John's glaucoma specialist and he had good news about that--the pressure is still gone (cataract surgery took that away) but then he got very serious and said "what are you doing next today?" and we told him, going to our family doctor for our every 4-5 month check-in. He told John one of his eyes was seriously impaired and we needed to go to the macular degeneration specialist right now! The doctor called, got us in and so we went there for four hours, all afternoon. We discovered John has totally lost his central vision in his right eye! No med or help for that eye. His left eye was in serious condition and hopefully can be saved with a monthly shot in that eye. (A very, very, very expensive med that ,thankfully, our insurance is paying for!!!) We are so thankful for this blessing. John can keep driving as long as this left eye stays as normal as it is now (in ability to see). The "bad" eye still has peripheral vision, which is not allot of good.
All this has happened in about four months. I am so sad, because I know he will miss out on many times of not seeing scenery, flowers, our babies faces, and life in general. And we know as in everything else, God's hand will keep John strong and hold him up when he gets discouraged.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God.....He will not grow tired or weary....he gives strength to the weary." Isaiah 40: 28-29

Thursday, March 4, 2010

"The Lord blesses..."

It is so difficult to downsize and get rid of so many "things" in our home. I am too "young" to have to do this...maybe when I am 90 I would be ready for this? It is very traumatic to look around and think how we will live without 2/3 of your home furnishings, then I am ashamed because so many people in this world would be so happy for one or two pieces of our furniture. God has so richly blessed us for many years and I know He will continue to do so, even through this move. I am so thankful for children who want up to live with them and others who would if they were close by. I am also thankful for our Father who will send just the right person at the right time to buy our home so we can complete this move. I am thankful for this time of rest from so many doctors! I am thankful for my husband who takes such good care of me and waits so patiently at each doctor visit. So I will try to be very optimistic and positive and rely on God's providence for all our needs.
"...the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him..." Romans 10:12

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

To dwell in the house of the Lord...

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in his temple." Psalm 27:4
This verse has been made into a wonderful praise hymn that we often sing at church. I really have nothing to talk about except my last radiation and thanking God for a very kind and caring radiology doctor. Today was the last of three treatments. The doctor told me that the radiation keeps on "working" for a number of weeks ongoing. Having three treatments was really stronger than 25 daily treatments and was aimed at a very small part of the body, leaving less damage to the rest of the body. I am so thankful for all that has been done, and especially for my body's "vacation" for a few more weeks before the chemo begins again.
Spring will be here soon and that always lifts the spirits...this week will be warmed and I hope the poor little dove ,setting on her eggs above our window, will be a little more comfortable.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

"For thou are my praise."

A friend gave me a booklet called "Words of Blessing" and this is one of the pages: "Our Lord, our God, deliver us from the fear of what might happen and give us the grace to enjoy what now is and to keep striving after what ought to be." (This was written by Peter Marshall, author and minister of a number of years ago) What a wonderful way to tell us to live for this moment, thankful for each day, and not worry about what might be in the future.
I went to the oncologist today and he was very pleased that I have recovered from the brain surgery, and gained my weight back from the December neutropenia/hospital stay. He said I was really doing miraculously well. I said "what about the tumors in my liver?" and he remarked they are so small I should not worry about them. So that was very encouraging. Tomorrow is my last radiation and I pray that part of the cancer is gone. I will have a CT April 1 and see this doctor then and he will set me up for a less harsh chemo, since the last one put me in the hospital.
He told me a year or so ago that cancer is beginning to be treated as a chronic disease (like diabetes)so I will probably be on some sort of chemo for a long time.
I am so thankful for my wonderful, caring doctors. Jeremiah 17:14 says "Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved; for thou art my praise."

Monday, March 1, 2010

Back to "Forrest Gump"...John blogs again

John is getting into this blogging!
While watching the movie, "Forrest Gump" on TV the other night, I realized some similarities between Forrest and our family. We had (as they say) a mentally challenged/special needs child. Johny was very much "Forrest Gump"--Tom Hanks could have played Johny, as he acted so much like Johny in the way he walked and talked.
There were similarities in that: 1. Johny was very honest and never lied. 2. He had a strong sense of right and wrong. 3. Johny was very friendly toward all people. 4. He did what he was told to do without questioning. 5. Forrest Gump loved his mother very much and so did Johny. 6. Forrest's mother died of cancer. Johny's mother has had cancer for nearly six years and still taking treatments.
Johny was a joy to Beverly and me and his family. He would come up with sayings and comments that were so funny! We have the joy of seeing him in heaven some day--a blessing we have as Christians.
Proverbs 31:10-11 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."