Monday, October 31, 2011

"Do not be anxious about anything..."

I know I quote this verse often. There are some truths in the Bible that we just need to remind ourselves of very often. ( is that good English?) anyway, I found a list of items labeled "WHAT TROUBLES YOUR HEART?" I do not know when I wrote this as I was cleaning out papers, pictures, etc in my closet. Here is my list of "troubles", obviously many things on this list not at all applicable any more.
Not measuring up
elderly parents
children and grandchildren
things I cannot control
people who know, but reject Jesus
bad things in the world
Well some things never change, but other things---life just takes care of and they cease being important or time takes care of them. I don't think I have worried about "not measuring up" for 20-30 years. WHEN did I write this? My parents died 25 years ago. We worried about how we would care for them and their health problems and God just took care of all that. They died 3 days apart and there was no issue with how one would make it without the other. I think as long as you live, any parent always prays for and thinks of his/her children and grandchildren..human nature and lots of love for them. I do not worry about any of them but I sure do a lot of "middle of the night" praying!

I found a list of some of what we felt were most special antique glassware, that Mama and I sat and wrote down one of the Sunday's I sat with her. I find several things they brought back from Canada (where they loved to go) and Mama dearly loved to go antiquing and bring us "girls" back some pretty things. How special these memories are.

Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Saturday, October 29, 2011

"...I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you..."

This passage was written to Ephesians but we can claim it for ourselves...Ephesians 3:16-17 "I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being So that Christ may dwell in your heart through faith. " Oh how I need this strength and especially need it filling my "inner being"!

I mentioned the book I am reading by Randy Harris, and in one passage regarding prayer, he says to "picture the person for whom you are praying, being held in the arms of Jesus." this is such an awesome thought! Just think if you had issues with someone and you pray for that person in this could never think of them in a bad way again. I love this idea.

I am going down memory lane again thinking about a great aunt, my grandpa's sister in law. She was named Pearl and her sister was Diamond. (grandiose in their parent's eyes?)Anyway, to go to her house for lunch with Mama and Grandma was such a treat. She and my uncle considered themselves a "cut above". As a child I "knew this". Their home was elegant, with the silk lampshades with fringe of the 20's. We would eat lunch at a breakfast room built in table and booth and we did not know anyone who had that. Her china was lovely, and she always had some kind of jello salad. Their son went to a private boy's school and in the depression times, we did not know anyone else who could afford that. These are memories of 70 years ago, so maybe a little fuzzy? But she would always let me play with her stereoscopic viewer and she had lots of cards to put in it and view the 3-D of that era.

My uncle was one of Grandpa's brother and ironically he was the one who made the paint and got messy every day! Whatever, the three of the brothers were happy with their role in the paint business and kept it going for many years.

I love family memories. I wonder if any cousins are still around from this branch of the family?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

"I'm asking God for one live with Him..."

Each week just flies, and I wonder where the days go. I feel like my life is flying away and I want to just hold onto it and slow down the days. This has been the most beautiful fall, with leaves more colorful every day and flowers just continuing to bloom! My zinnias and marigolds are just larger and more full of blooms than all summer....but as of today, the rain and cool weather may end all that. Would you believe, John got his veggie bed (the 6x8bed) ready for spring, and let me plant pansies there for the winter. There are two potatoes coming up in the middle of this bed! Left over from spring! So we might have early potatoes!!!How funny!

We only had two doctors this week but it seems the day is consumed. I have still been nauseous, and my throat is still raw in the back of it. This makes everything I swallow hurt. It kind of discourages eating! Other than nausea and arthritis pain, I am just tired, and make myself do most everything I do. I stay fairly busy with the commercial sewing and did have fun making three of the greats dresses. I pray to live long enough for the greats to remember me. Our primary doctor did tell me "I am amazing". That was nice to hear! After seeing the ultrasound last week and how many cancer tumors there are in my liver, this doctor said "you can live with 10
% of your liver" that was very comforting.

I love the Message and its' straightforward approach to the Bible. In Psalm 27, it says..."I'm asking God for one thing, only one thing: To live with Him in His house my life long. I'll contemplate His beauty, I'll study at His feet."
Calmness from a stress filled life!

Monday, October 24, 2011

"Give us aid against the enemy..."

well I just lost 2/3 of my post...only the first paragraph came thru. I really have a tough time with this computer some days. I could never remember what all I had written but it was a lot and I hate I lost it. Psalm 108:12 was my verse for today, "Give us aid against the enemy for the help of man is worthless."

I think I was telling how I am putting the first year and a half of the blog into a book . A friend who has several books is helping me by editing and then I am rewriting some of it, making it more readable hopefully. Any reader of this blog who can sign up as a follower, might help make the book more readable. I think to get to the blog, you sign into Google then http// to get into the blog.

I don't want to repeat but I was also telling how after nearly 8 years of that many chemos, 5 surgeries, lots of medicines, pain, I can really see God's blessings in our lives, see how He is with us, and know I am alive only by Him. I am not a
"pollyanna", I scream and cry and would kick the floor if I could get back up. I had one of those scream/cry sesions last week (I do this in the shower so John does not hear me) and when I was in bed, praying, I heard God say, "I have been with you always and I will not leave you now." This was a very defining moment in my life. I knew this but I really felt and heard these words inside my soul. I have so much wrong with me and each day of life is a gift from God for His reasons. Thank you friends and family for following this blog and praying for us, thank you for care and love. Blessings and love to you all.
Lately several new friends are saying they are getting into this blog. I wish I knew how to get into it better and especially How to sign up as a "follower". Most of you may not know I am in the process of putting the first year and a half of the blog into a book. A friend who has authored several books is helping me, editing, etc. So many people have cancer or family members who do so, and we feel there would be a need for this type of book. I feel an urgency to get it out there, to let anyone know that your life does not end with a diagnosis of cancer, you can cope and your Father in Heaven is with you always!!! I have transitioned through many days of pain, surgeries, chemos, medicines, and I can assuridly say I feel God's presence more each day. I think of family and friends and things they deal with and I trulyfully say, I would not swap places with any of them. I am not a pollyanna! I scream and cry sometimes.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

"...whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me..."

This 10 days has been mostly bad, bad...I am still exhausted, weak, feeling like I am going to fall if I am not careful....not normal, for sure. John wants to go and do things and act like always. I am trying! We went to a movie yesterday which was really wonderful, "Courageous" made by the Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany , Georgia. It took such a stand for christian fatherhood and living. This is the 4Th film they have made.

Today we went to TPAC here in Nashville and saw the play "Wicked". It was very good and beautiful music, not a single curse word! That was great, but tonight I cannot wait to go to bed! I am almost beyond going. Each day I pray for the next day to be good, back to normal (whatever that is now)and not being so tired. I have got to have an answer in November as to my status. If things are BAD, I want to know!If they are now bad, this chemo has got to go!

Our granddaughter had a FB note about kids shooting through their yard. The back door was shattered, and just think if the children had been out!The boys play out all the time. What a shame to have this fear now!

I hope to go to church tomorrow...Ephesians 6:19 (Paul talking) says "Pray for me also that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given to me so I will fearlessly make known---the gospel---." This is a way I pray to live and witness. Thank God for life and strength.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

"Our Father in heaven..."

"...hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:9-10

On the rare occasion I have a difficult time going to sleep, I go through this prayer, and try to really analyze each phrase. Needless to say, I hardly ever go all the way thru. It is comforting and gives confidence in God's being in control.

My doctor called tonight and said the ultrasound of the stint was just perfect. So we are set to replace it December 12. I asked him about the pain under my ribs--another story (could be gall stones) and he said, as long as I stay away from very fatty foods, I should be OK, and the creature will "stay at bay".

I am making the 3 greats in Bartlett dresses for a family picture later this year. I feel so privileged to , first of all have been asked to make them is an honor, then to be able to sew them is so fun and more privileged.

I wrote 2 days ago that I am getting weary with the chemo and fighting this cancer. I know at some point, since I will never be off the chemo, that I will have to decide that "enough is enough". I don't feel this is giving up but accepting the obvious. My body is weaker than a year ago. I dread the chemo each time so achingly. If I thought keeping on chemo would be a cure, then I would keep on forever, but my good days are becoming less than the bad days. I have been blessed with 7 1/2 years so far, and we shall see what the mri shows and decide then what to do next. Prayers from family and friends have prolonged my life, there is no doubt! And I believe God is keeping me alive for His purposes. So He might provide a new chemo that would be just perfect. Hope is not gone! Blessings to all............

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

"I know that my Rdeemer lives..."

This was a long day, waiting at first on the doctor and then another place. The joy in it was meeting a sister, a Believer, and we just "connected". God places us in the right place at the right time. What a blessing! I have been so sick, not to be redundant, but more than usual, and the pain caused by maybe gall stones? or the cancer? or whatever, I have been very miserable for 3 days. I had an ultrasound today and the nurse/tech was very helpful and showed me the cancers in my liver (which are larger than I thought they are.) I pictured little lumps, but it is more spread around. I asked John to night if he thought I was "losing ground" and he said maybe a little. I think so, maybe from the chemo, which is so debilitating, or maybe I am finally not able to fight so hard any more.

I dug in the yard last week, and used the grubbing hoe, and had lots of energy, but after the rat poison, I feel so helpless. I am taking alot of meds for the pain, which I hate to do! This makes me more mauseous. Maybe in a few days things will even out.

I pass around my "cards" which talk about my art, and blog and if anyone sees this, you should go back 2 years and start at the beginning of my blog, which would give a good time line.

I heard of another cancer patient today, and although I don't say alot about him, my friend Gene, in Florida, is having a tough time. We would love prayers for friends who are going thru this deep valley.

Job 19: 25 and 27..."I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth....I myself will see Him with my own eyes..."
Blessings for all...

Sunday, October 16, 2011

"We trust in the name of the Lord our God..."

This is the worst reaction in a year. I am so sick! After church, we came home and I have slept all day, cold, chills, trying to throw up, finally drank some Sprite, and worst of all, had to miss our care group annual weiner roast! This may be the last of this chemo, as I do not think I want to go thru this again...sick, sick, sick!

"May the Lord answer you when you are distressed; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you." Psalm 20:1 and verse 7, "we trust in the name of the Lord our God..."

Saturday, October 15, 2011

"He bore the sin for many..."

Lots going on this week...Chemo on Thursday and the steroid makes me crazy for a few days. We stayed busy Friday going to see greats out of town for the day---a really wonderful, fun time and seeing one of them for the first time...she is 2 months old. Also seeing how they grow in the two months since we saw the others. Also being with our oldest grandson and his precious wife, seeing what a blessing they are in their relationship with each other and their children. Then today we spent with Cathy and Ronnie and more family working on the cabin they are building. We got home and the bottom has fallen out. The chemo usually waits a couple of days to really kick in with the bad side effects. I am shaky and weak tonight, and know I will be nauseous tomorrow. I am to have the MRI on November 6 so then I will know just what is going on, and what is growing where. Meanwhile, I will try to get thru each day, and be normal as I can. I hate these chemo effects more each time I take it.

As I usually do, after I say I hate this chemo and cancer, then I know how blessed I am to be alive and enjoy the family and friends I do. So I look forward to holidays, being with everyone, plans, thinking of gifts for all of them, hoping for strength. God is so good. Isaiah 53 ( one of my favorite passages) and part of verse 12, "For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressor."

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

"....praises from the lips of children and infants..."

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praises..." Psalm 8:1-2

We look at our children and babies and think how innocent they are...I guess this is why God says praises come from their lips. We will get to see part of our greats this Friday and especially one of the newest ones, whom we have not seen. I hear she has red hair. Red hair runs through our of my great-great grandmothers had bright red hair. It showed up as sandy hair in several of Grandma's sisters, then mine was auburn. John's family had red hair in his mother's father . Another great grandfather was red headed. John was called "red" as a child, with fiery red hair. Two of our three children, and one of our grandchildren have red hair (or used to). Red hair is strange and it turns dark early , or in our family's case, kind of goes away! Bald headed men run in our families also! It really hurts to see our grandsons with the receeding hairline! So we will be excited to see our much loved children and our newest "great".

Tomorrow is chemo day, much dreaded, with the pain this month, we probably will make some changes, and probably have a CT soon to see what is going on--probably not much good! But I am so blessed. I have more good days than bad, and stay so busy, which is good! I add my praises to God...

Monday, October 10, 2011

"Seek the Lord while He may be found..."

I have hated to blog, because I have been in pain every night. I just do not like to be negative, and repetitious. About 11:00 or midnight, after I have gotten good and asleep, the pain will hit and I lie there, thinking (why?) it might go away, but finally get up, take the strongest pain pill and go to the couch. For some reason, the couch lets my back go down in the middle and this must relieve the whatever is mashing on whatever and causing the pain. I can go back to sleep and usually sleep all night. The other scenario is when the pain meds keep me awake most of the night. I will never figure this one out. I do get lots of prayer time during these nights!

I was going thru some old photos, seeing pictures of many who are deceased (younger than me, and this was in the 90's), my sister, uncles, aunts, friends, surely is good to not know what is going to happen. We all were so happy in these pictures.

A few of family "girls" were here for brunch today..Isn't family wonderful!

John has had a terrible crick in his neck for several days, and he is just miserable!
We got the gardening done just before this hit both of us. Maybe that is why it did??? Oh well, we will get over it. This is funny---John has his veggie garden ready for the spring, fresh good dirt in it...and a potato coming up in the middle of it!

I know tonight is going to be a bad night so I will take a pill before I go to bed.
I pray all will "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

Friday, October 7, 2011

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth..."

"...give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:11-12

John and I took a few days to be away in the mountains, partly to celebrate his birthday, partly to just be away before the next chemo. The chemo next week is #5 and that is usually the most I can stand, before quiting and finding another. I hope being half dose, I can stand it longer. I think we will do a CT before #6 and see what is happening. I am still nauseous a lot and stomach upset. The rash on my legs has returned. I do have nails, and hair (such as it is), just slow growing! The scenery and trees on our trip were beautiful even though not in full color yet. We had fun, shopping and some walking and doing nothing. We do our best plans "for what we want to do later", when on a trip.

We were remembering this strange little dog that used to live up our street ( about 20 years ago). He just appeared one day and hung around and we really wanted him to just go away. Someone told me if we gave him raw meat with hot peppers in it, he would leave. So I got the raw meat and LOADED it with hot stuff. He gobbled that up and was ours forever! He LOVED that meat! He would walk with us every day and he was our protector from then on! One day two huge dogs came after us and he was so fierce and ran them off! What a friend we had because of the hot meat! Eventually he left and we never knew why, but he was ours for a long time, because of the red hot peppers!

So I am dreading the chemo again, dreading the nausea, even though I am not totally nausea free but at least it is better than last month. We are looking forward to planting fall/winter pansies and chrysanthemums, then decorating for Christmas. We just have to wait for the 80 degrees to be over! Every day is a blessing and every day I wonder how things will be next year! I can't go there! I am thankful for each day! Blessings!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

"...your renown , O Lord, thru all generations..."

In case anyone wondered how my doctor called at 5 am....the last post...I started that early and finished it that night.
This was quite a weekend. the Ladies Day at church involved lunch, speakers, door prizes and lots of gorgeous clothes, to see modeled, and available to buy at great discount. Just to be with that many women(over 100)to have fun is FUN! If you go to FB you can see all the models and clothes, etc. I was praying I could do this without my colostomy getting in my "way" of modeling but all went well! Last night was a pain night again, then today was fine. GO FIGURE!

Friends and doctors tell me I am tough. Well look at my heritage---they lived thru many wars (Revolutionary, Civil, World War I and II) then they made it through the great depression, lost homes, businesses, husbands died, leaving widows to raise children. They went out west in a covered wagon, they had children to die, moved to find work, were innovative in their endeavors. They got education, found work where they could, but nearly all trusted God for their sustenance, and somehow they stayed busy and productive.

These are my grandmothers, the women from whom I am descended. One was Cherokee, the rest were mostly Scotch-Irish or English, but one grandmother was mostly Dutch. I say I am a Heinz 57... So I thank God for these wonderful women, and wish I could have known all of them. I pray to pass these characteristics on to our grandchildren!

"Your name, O Lord, endures forever, your renown, O Lord thru all generations." Psalm 135:13