The Lord is my Shepherd

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul....." Psalm 23:1-3....this beautiful day , another autumn colored day, sunny and warm, finding flowers still blooming, has restored my soul. Walking in the yard with family, finding potatoes coming up where we dug them and missed a few, now they are growing just like it was spring! God renews everything. There is always hope for tomorrow when we see how each season renews itself. But, who would have thought--zinias, roses, potatoes in November! "He restores my soul!"

Relatives

This day was supposed to be a really good day since yesterday was better than last "second day after chemo"...wrong! This day went downhill pretty steadily. I was more nauseous, unsteady, weak than yesterday. Our grandson and his wife came over and ate lunch with us, and it is always fun to be with family, then I went to art class, but did not feel well enough to stay long. I napped, then our Missouri relatives arrived to attend our big family reunion close by here this weekend. (I have prayed I would feel well enough to go and maybe I can.) We ate dinner together and enjoyed being with family. Family is what it is all about and I constantly feel their love and prayers and support of us. I feel like I cannot write tonight and my hands are experiencing some little bit of neuropathy even though the doctor said that is not supposed to be a side effect of this chemo.
So even with the love and concern of family and their prayers for my healing, the road traveled is really my road, no one can do this but me..it is lonely and tiresome, and sometimes, makes you feel like giving up. But I won't! That 1% depression pops in every so often then the 99% positive side says "NO we can do this." Colossians 4:15 says "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts....and be thankful." Not always easy to be thankful for some things but always thankful for relatives!

Being Proactive in your health

I have been thinking about being very proactive on your health and taking charge of your body. Many of us grew up believing that when a doctor told you something it was like the gospel truth. I also believe that today's doctors are a much different "breed" of educated and caring physicians. Fifty years ago, I had had a miscarriage and when getting pregnant again, the doctor gave me a "new" med to stop another miscarriage. It worked and my daughter is here to prove it! However, the miracle med of that day was DES--diethylsylbestrol. To look it up on Web MD, there is very little information, except that it was used on mice as a cancer agent...not sure if it was to cause cancer or cure it (quite a scientific document with little the average person could understand). When my daughter was age 10, we discovered that she and I were at risk for cancer and we have been very vigilant over the years. Of course, I am the one who got it, even after a complete hysterectomy ...and I can remember my surgeon saying "you will never have to worry" . Little did he know! When some of the cells left over from that surgery, 30 years later clumped together, they formed a mass called a mixed mullerian tumor and classified as an ovarian sarcoma. This type of tumor cannot be detected by normal pelvic screening, but requires a CT or ultrasound. This is where the proactive part comes in. If anyone ever suspects (read the warning signs of cancer) she has cancer, run to your doctor and insist on a test of some kind. There is also a CA125 test which sometimes gives false positives so it is not used routinely. This is not to scare but to inform. One of our ministers asked me if I was angry and I said no but I am sad...sad that such a disease exists that can rob you of many of life's pleasures. So I will get off my soapbox and forgive me if I was being too "preachy" but
I believe one of my purposes now is to inform women to not be complacent with their health.
Today was a blood drawing day, and that part was most unpleasant--the veins were not cooperating and it took five "sticks" to get two vials of blood, so I was not a happy camper! Otherwise, today, the day after the chemo, was not as bad as last week. Maybe the zofran is the magic bullet. It surely helps with the nausea. Food tastes strange, even water does not taste like water. So this completes one "round" of chemo. Next week is just blood drawing and resume chemo the next week. In three weeks I will have a CT and see if the chemo and other chemical will have done wonderful things to remove the cancer!!!
I will always have hope, as long as I breathe, for Romans 5:5 says "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit whom He has given us."

Hats and Bracelets

Today was a very long 12 hour day. There were the bag each of steroids, anti-nausea, the irinotecan, and the experimental chemical. I also had over a dozen blood draws, with four needle punctures to find two places that worked. My veins are few and fragile...we have found out that most redheads have these fragile veins, for whatever reason! There were two EKG's and an echo cardiogram. The day I dreaded again really went pretty fast with all this activity. I had wonderful, caring nurses who show their love in every way. The down side is the nausea and dizziness, and I have to hold on to something or someone to walk, and thank goodness for zofran! Sitting there all day, I watched people walking by, coming for the same reason I am there, hoping for miracles, for healing, for God's mercy. Nearly all wear something on his or her head (mostly her) like baseball caps, wigs, turbans, scarves, stocking hats---bald heads are cold! I will join this crew in a week or so. I am noticing a few hairs falling out when I brush. As I said in an earlier post, losing hair is traumatic the first time, the second time is a routine "get out the razor" experience. I guess the third time will be like the second and I don't intend to cry.
I have written also about the bracelet I wear every day that has the words "With God all things are possible". Some dear friends gave me two more bracelets to wear with this one--one has the word "Believe" on it and the other one is colored beads representing the phases of Jesus' life and a tiny mustard seed attached. The mustard seed refers to Jesus telling His disciples .."if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,'move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible..." Matthew 17:20-21...I believe we have to trust God and believe in His miracles.

"A wife of noble character who can find?"

There is a chapter of Proverbs in the Old Testament, that speaks of the characteristics of a "wife of noble character". It is found in Proverbs 31:10-31 and I would rather have this spoken of me after I am dead than anything else. I love the fact that this woman is a busy woman, she is "crafty", she is resourceful and energetic. Also, she sews and weaves! You know I am/was a weaver and I cannot remember when I did not sew. One of my earliest memories is sitting under my grandmother's sewing machine, "working" the foot treddle! Boy, was she the patient one!This is the same grandmother who let me stand under her arms while she cut up chickens for dinner. Anyway, I was always sewing doll clothes, received a small Singer machine for Christmas the year I was eight and was making my clothes by age 14. It was a normal progression to teach our daughter to sew by the time she was eight. We had some tears, a few disagreements (?) but she learned well and today has her designing/decorating business. I guess this rambling point is that none of our busy work is wasted. There is always something to be made--tiny "quilts" for the preemies in the hospitals, and sewing for my daughter's business, sewing for my grandaughters and fun- sewing making Christmas pillows. As I consider tomorrow's chemo, dreading the feelings that will follow, thinking of lots of fun stuff to be sewed, praying for years to be well and able to do lots of this "fun stuff"...these are my thoughts tonight.And above all, to be thought of as a "wife of noble character...her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also..."

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Sunday--"set apart Christ as Lord"

Today was a little better than yesterday..if this goes as most chemo I have had goes, then I will be feeling pretty good when it is time for the next one! That makes for really DOWN feelings--to KNOW you are going into another 5 or so day period of feeling pretty rotten! But today was another beautiful day, warm, leaves nearly gone but still colorful. Friends at church ask "how are you feeling?" and I think,"do I say the truth? or say,fine?" as we usually do when we are superficially talking to most people. I wake up at night and pray and ask God to heal me and take this cancer away. I wonder how many thousands of people are doing the same thing? I wonder if God will answer this prayer the way we want Him to, or will He allow the world to follow its' motion and routine, and let nature take its'course and also have another plan for my and our lives? If I do not live, what effect will it have on family and friends? If I do live, will God's mercy help someone who is lost to come close and seek Jesus? Either way, I am praying to be who He wants me to be. "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have..." I Peter 3:15