Visiting family

Along with being with our son's extended family for several days was the pleasure of going to church with them. Their church is small, almost like a large "care group" and they really care deeply about each other. They also treat us like members since we are there several times a year. Today was so special--they all gathered about me, laid hands on and one prayed for me, for my health and for John and I together and our family. This wonderful friend who prayed for me asked God specifically to heal me...as others have also done. He and others have begged God to take this cancer away. As time goes on, maybe, very soon (depending on how the chemo goes and what the next CT shows) we will know kind of what my future may hold. We, as a christian group of church and friends and family, will have God answer our prayers as we desire and I will be healed and this malignancy taken away---or, God will answer as His will desires and I will see this through til the end. Either way, I pray I can glorify Him and give Him the praise for being my Father, my God and praise Him for His goodness and giving me courage and strength to live for Him forever.
I have been so lifted up by so many and this is very humbling to be loved and cared for by many friends and family. I was so hugged and loved by all the children this weekend, by grown grandchildren, by our son and daughter (in law), and, all the time by family close by--daughter and son(in law), other grandchildren and my great, and my sister.
If you who are reading this have never had a malignancy, you may not understand the urgency and continuing absorption in what is going on--but this is life on a different "plane"...you can never totally put this out of your mind. So forgive my "moaning and groaning" as I try to write what is on my heart and mind each day.
Psalm 25:1 says "To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God..."

"My soul shall exult in my God..."

My doctor gave me a very strong antibiotic, and said "go and enjoy the children.." so we did, and are enjoying the children!...I have had fever every day, even with the antibiotic, so my blood count must still be very low..I wonder if I will be able to take the chemo next week. But, for now, what fun to be with five of our great grandchildren who we do not see regularly. There are four boys and one girl of this part of the family with another girl due in January. These are our oldest son's grandchildren and they range in age from 3 months to being five years (next week). I have been attacked and jumped on and hung on and I love it!!!This is such a blessing to also be with our grown grandchildren and their husband and wives. My daughter in law and I had a time of tears and prayers and hoping so much for more of these thanksgiving days...but we just do not know God's plan for my life ,especially. So each minute is very special. I am having trouble with one leg swelling and the doctor also gave me a diuretic for that but it is not solving the problem, whatever that problem is, so next week at the doctor's should be very interesting to see just what is going on . Also, I am so ready to see if the chemo is working.

i awake in the night and pray...I have thought, maybe this cancer is like being "demon-possessed" like in biblical days. I cannot think it would be much different! But for now, Isaiah 61:10 gives me joy in reading "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness..."

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good,"

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever..." Psalm 136:1
Thanksgiving Day is like none other..We have multiple holidays, many to celebrate days devoted to Jesus and God, many devoted to our country and various public or family members...but none other to totally thank God for His bountiful care of us and all the wonders of living in this nation.
This is such a family day, coming together to eat (of course)from this bounty, play together, and discover the joy of our relationships. I pray all will have a very special Thanksgiving Day.
I had two degrees of fever last night, but "armed" with my antibiotic, I'm able to see the grandchildren today!

Decorating the House and children's times

I had two unexpected pleasures today-- first I had breakfast with my sister and her twin grandsons, age 3 1/2, were there....wow what action figures! They are trying to realize family relations and that we are sisters like they are brothers.That was sucha treat to be with them. Then, one of my great granddaughters spent several hours with me and we decorated the house for Christmas. She is five years old and how special to see how she is maturing. She helped carry BIG boxes from the attic, and ADVISED me on where to put balls on the tree, and told me lots of useful information. She also is apparently in a growth spurt because she is hungry all the time, especially for treats she thinks I might give her that she does not get at home (sorry..I am not that clueless). But we had fun and read a book, watched "Beethoven" on TV, and just had a treasured time together.
I am so aware of times like this..wondering if I will have many more times like this (sorry but these morbid thoughts do drift in). I am so thankful, even more so than usual, as we get ready for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I had a fever tonight, but the doctor started me on the antibiotic to get ready to be with the children, so I think it will be taken care of by that.
I pray for these and the rest of our family children that they will choose wisely as they grow and make their paths with God. In Psalms 16:11...."You have made known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence..." Just think, if we have this much joy in earthly families, how great will be that joy in heavenly families.!

Those who hope in the Lord...

"..those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
I would so wish and hope and want, to be able to run, and walk even, like I used to, and not feel faint...to work all day and not be tired. I did not get to have the chemo today (the thing I did not want to do?) yet I feel if I miss these two weeks, the cancer will start growing more. My white and red cells were too low and other minerals in my blood were low, so I could not have the treatment. I am hoping now for next week and praying the cancer will not get more aggressive.
I hate living in fear--which I should not do. I hate being "bound" to hospitals and treatments and not feeling free to just "live"! But I suspect if you asked any cancer patient or survivor, they would tell you the same thing--how this disease wants to consume your life. I do hope in the Lord, and enjoy the times when I feel half way normal. By taking some antibiotics ahead of time, I will get to be with grandchildren during Thanksgiving...what a treat this will be. Because of being so susceptible, I have avoided all children for six weeks now, not touching anyone at all hardly, except close family members. So this will be a time of joy and family hugs.

Doll houses and Sleeping in peace

I think I mentioned several weeks ago that as we are trying to sell our house and move to our daughter's, that we are getting rid of furniture and other treasures. Several very beloved pieces of furniture found new homes with family and that is a blessing to see them loving things that are several generations old in our family. Family in Missouri took my doll house and it will be much loved by our cousins with many granddaughters! All my life I had wanted a doll house (and found there are many adults who have this hobby). I built the house, putting many details into it, and built the furniture piece by piece over 20 years. When we traveled, I found very special items, like Stafford shire dogs in England for the mantle, red ware bowls in Ohio, carved wooden bowls in Shaker town, KY, and things like that. So it was very special and I love that it will become equally special and beloved by more of family, and more generations. Tomorrow, the chemo starts again. I dread it so terribly, knowing now the side effects that were unknown three weeks ago: the aches, the arthritis in my hands and one leg (one?), the cracked fingers, the digestive problems, swollen feet, low blood counts, very susceptible to germs (which so far, we have avoided), fevers at night, very low energy to name the main side effects.
I must be brave, in order to fight this enemy. I claim the promise in Psalm 4:8--"I WILL LIE DOWN AND SLEEP IN PEACE, FOR YOU ALONE, O LORD, MAKE ME DWELL IN SAFETY."

Give thanks --in all circumstances--

One of the Bible passages mentioned today was from I Thessalonians 5:18, which says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Boy, is that a hard one! I can be joyful pretty much of the time, for I am generally a positive person. I pray kind of generally throughout the day, short sentence prayers for persons, family, occasions as they come to mind., then pray at night when I do my Bible reading. But the "thanks in all things" part??? I really, really have trouble with that part of this commandment. How can I give thanks for this cancer? How can I give thanks for this circumstance I am in, with the hated chemo, the loss of health, the loss of freedom to live a "normal" life? Well, I have and still struggle with this. One thing about this is allowing others to do "for me", which goes against the grain. Grandma once said that when you let someone do for you, you allow them the grace of giving. That is a profound way of looking at the loss of doing for oneself. I am thankful for the grace of giving prayers which others do for me and for John. I am thankful when someone says I am showing my love of God in the way I approach this cancer. So maybe, someday I will get a handle on being thankful for all things--I am trying--