I have been so tired this week, and not down-hearted, but just "word-less" and nothing to say. I read back about how I felt almost four weeks ago and think how I am going to go through this again in a few days. Can I do chemo again? Do I dare not do it? I have an MRI on Wednesday so the next day, I will hear how I am doing and supposedly receive the chemo again, unless it is doing no good. The mind can take one into lots of dark places. ..into lots of "what ifs" . I think I told how I quit the time release pain med I was taking twice a day. It was messing with my mind. John said I was becoming "crazy" and I certainly don't want that. So I quit it and mostly I have little pain, maybe a "2" or "3" on that little frown-smile chart at the doctor's. I can handle that. But at night, three times, the pain has just grabbed me with a #10 about 1:00 am and only the strongest pain med will work. So I have done that those three times. That is still better than daily strong stuff.
Today was good, I weeded the flower beds, found several green beans handing on in this heat, some tomatoes ready to bring in, a few squash nearly ready, fun stuff. I went to art tonight, and that is the only place I am going without the wig. They think I could just go anywhere, but I am not ready yet, every where. I am in prayer for myself, which I do not do enough.Is it selfish to pray for oneself? I kind of feel like it is, but I feel the need for this. John prays for me continually, and I do for him. He is my rock! And what would I do without my savior, Jesus, our ultimate Rock and High Priest, our God our Father, who knows our every need.
"Now that we know what we have--Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God--let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all--all but the sin. So let's walk right up to Him and get what He is so ready to give. Take the mercy , accept the help." Hebrews 4:14-16 The Message
Change After 30 Years
7 months ago
I asked the same question of myself...how do I pray for myself? It seemed so petty and small. However, in hindsight, Jesus prayed for himself. I think that puts us in good company. Pray for you, Bev! You know best what is on your own heart. The rest of us pray for you as well as with you. love kathryn
ReplyDeleteDear Bev,
ReplyDeleteAll of us who are dedicated to mankind and a love of God will question whether it's okay to pray for ourselves. The least selfish of us will almost never pray for ourselves, because we are so busy praying for others. We'd actually feel guilty if we did! Now tell me why that makes sense. But it's just the way we are wired. It's how we think. But that doesn't mean it does make sense. It just means that our joy comes from putting others first. So please, Bev, make a special prayer time for yourself! And do it everyday, or even a few times a day. I'm having such a hard time learning to do this, but I know it IS the thing to do. It won't take time away from my praying for others; it will just mean I can spend a little more time in prayer. Make sense? Please let us know this coming week when you hear the MRI results and learn the future of your chemo treatments. I am in prayer daily that your MRI will show improvement, and you will be able to continue the chemo schedule. You know I always tell you that we need your mentoring and your ministering.
We love you,
Barbara and Alan
Mrs. G.,
ReplyDeleteJust want to let you know I am praying for you. You were one of my favorite teachers and made a big impact on my life. Here are some of the things I have done since then and I want you to know you contributed to this. http://www.flickr.com/photos/34360060@N07/6011315393/
I have won numerous awards and it started with you. Love, Trina Jones Schmidt (class of 87)
I love you Ms. G! Take care! Rebecca Stamps (class of '86)
ReplyDelete