Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"I will lift up the cup of salvation..."

One day follows another and I do not write. I am not depressed. I am tired. I am tired of being "sick" and wondering how to think ahead. I realize none of us knows the future, but the average person does think ahead and "plan" for next year, wonder about next Christmas, think about birthdays, etc...I find myself wondering if "I will be here by then" for certain times. That is realism. I had a heart echo test this week and I have a small amount of fluid around my heart, which the nurse says follows chemo. Do I die of cancer or chemo? Do I have a choice? Tomorrow is chemo day and I never look forward to that except for the fact that (bad as it is) it keeps me alive! Sorry for the morbid thoughts. So those are my dark thoughts.

Good things: I have finger nails, my hair is enough that I "came out" of my wig and am just me now. Mu hair is pretty short but a year of the wig was enough! So hair and nails...enough to make me happy! I "talk" to my granddaughters on FB often and for that I am thankful. I call my in laws my granddaughters...I love them all and don't count "in-laws"! I get to have coffee and sew with another granddaughter and share flowers. That is fun. We had birthday dinner for another this last week and that was fun. God is so good and family is wonderful. So many things to be thankful for that I will just not worry about the other stuff!!!

"How can I repay the Lord for all His goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord." Psalms 116:12-13

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