"I know that my Rdeemer lives..."

This was a long day, waiting at first on the doctor and then another place. The joy in it was meeting a sister, a Believer, and we just "connected". God places us in the right place at the right time. What a blessing! I have been so sick, not to be redundant, but more than usual, and the pain caused by maybe gall stones? or the cancer? or whatever, I have been very miserable for 3 days. I had an ultrasound today and the nurse/tech was very helpful and showed me the cancers in my liver (which are larger than I thought they are.) I pictured little lumps, but it is more spread around. I asked John to night if he thought I was "losing ground" and he said maybe a little. I think so, maybe from the chemo, which is so debilitating, or maybe I am finally not able to fight so hard any more.

I dug in the yard last week, and used the grubbing hoe, and had lots of energy, but after the rat poison, I feel so helpless. I am taking alot of meds for the pain, which I hate to do! This makes me more mauseous. Maybe in a few days things will even out.

I pass around my "cards" which talk about my art, and blog and if anyone sees this, you should go back 2 years and start at the beginning of my blog, which would give a good time line.

I heard of another cancer patient today, and although I don't say alot about him, my friend Gene, in Florida, is having a tough time. We would love prayers for friends who are going thru this deep valley.

Job 19: 25 and 27..."I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth....I myself will see Him with my own eyes..."
Blessings for all...

"We trust in the name of the Lord our God..."

This is the worst reaction in a year. I am so sick! After church, we came home and I have slept all day, cold, chills, trying to throw up, finally drank some Sprite, and worst of all, had to miss our care group annual weiner roast! This may be the last of this chemo, as I do not think I want to go thru this again...sick, sick, sick!

"May the Lord answer you when you are distressed; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you." Psalm 20:1 and verse 7, "we trust in the name of the Lord our God..."

"He bore the sin for many..."

Lots going on this week...Chemo on Thursday and the steroid makes me crazy for a few days. We stayed busy Friday going to see greats out of town for the day---a really wonderful, fun time and seeing one of them for the first time...she is 2 months old. Also seeing how they grow in the two months since we saw the others. Also being with our oldest grandson and his precious wife, seeing what a blessing they are in their relationship with each other and their children. Then today we spent with Cathy and Ronnie and more family working on the cabin they are building. We got home and the bottom has fallen out. The chemo usually waits a couple of days to really kick in with the bad side effects. I am shaky and weak tonight, and know I will be nauseous tomorrow. I am to have the MRI on November 6 so then I will know just what is going on, and what is growing where. Meanwhile, I will try to get thru each day, and be normal as I can. I hate these chemo effects more each time I take it.

As I usually do, after I say I hate this chemo and cancer, then I know how blessed I am to be alive and enjoy the family and friends I do. So I look forward to holidays, being with everyone, plans, thinking of gifts for all of them, hoping for strength. God is so good. Isaiah 53 ( one of my favorite passages) and part of verse 12, "For He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressor."

"....praises from the lips of children and infants..."

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praises..." Psalm 8:1-2

We look at our children and babies and think how innocent they are...I guess this is why God says praises come from their lips. We will get to see part of our greats this Friday and especially one of the newest ones, whom we have not seen. I hear she has red hair. Red hair runs through our families...one of my great-great grandmothers had bright red hair. It showed up as sandy hair in several of Grandma's sisters, then mine was auburn. John's family had red hair in his mother's father . Another great grandfather was red headed. John was called "red" as a child, with fiery red hair. Two of our three children, and one of our grandchildren have red hair (or used to). Red hair is strange and it turns dark early , or in our family's case, kind of goes away! Bald headed men run in our families also! It really hurts to see our grandsons with the receeding hairline! So we will be excited to see our much loved children and our newest "great".

Tomorrow is chemo day, much dreaded, with the pain this month, we probably will make some changes, and probably have a CT soon to see what is going on--probably not much good! But I am so blessed. I have more good days than bad, and stay so busy, which is good! I add my praises to God...

"Seek the Lord while He may be found..."

I have hated to blog, because I have been in pain every night. I just do not like to be negative, and repetitious. About 11:00 or midnight, after I have gotten good and asleep, the pain will hit and I lie there, thinking (why?) it might go away, but finally get up, take the strongest pain pill and go to the couch. For some reason, the couch lets my back go down in the middle and this must relieve the whatever is mashing on whatever and causing the pain. I can go back to sleep and usually sleep all night. The other scenario is when the pain meds keep me awake most of the night. I will never figure this one out. I do get lots of prayer time during these nights!

I was going thru some old photos, seeing pictures of many who are deceased (younger than me, and this was in the 90's), my sister, uncles, aunts, friends, cousins....it surely is good to not know what is going to happen. We all were so happy in these pictures.

A few of family "girls" were here for brunch today..Isn't family wonderful!

John has had a terrible crick in his neck for several days, and he is just miserable!
We got the gardening done just before this hit both of us. Maybe that is why it did??? Oh well, we will get over it. This is funny---John has his veggie garden ready for the spring, fresh good dirt in it...and a potato coming up in the middle of it!

I know tonight is going to be a bad night so I will take a pill before I go to bed.
I pray all will "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call on Him while He is near." Isaiah 55:6

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth..."

"...give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever." Psalm 86:11-12

John and I took a few days to be away in the mountains, partly to celebrate his birthday, partly to just be away before the next chemo. The chemo next week is #5 and that is usually the most I can stand, before quiting and finding another. I hope being half dose, I can stand it longer. I think we will do a CT before #6 and see what is happening. I am still nauseous a lot and stomach upset. The rash on my legs has returned. I do have nails, and hair (such as it is), just slow growing! The scenery and trees on our trip were beautiful even though not in full color yet. We had fun, shopping and some walking and doing nothing. We do our best plans "for what we want to do later", when on a trip.

We were remembering this strange little dog that used to live up our street ( about 20 years ago). He just appeared one day and hung around and we really wanted him to just go away. Someone told me if we gave him raw meat with hot peppers in it, he would leave. So I got the raw meat and LOADED it with hot stuff. He gobbled that up and was ours forever! He LOVED that meat! He would walk with us every day and he was our protector from then on! One day two huge dogs came after us and he was so fierce and ran them off! What a friend we had because of the hot meat! Eventually he left and we never knew why, but he was ours for a long time, because of the red hot peppers!

So I am dreading the chemo again, dreading the nausea, even though I am not totally nausea free but at least it is better than last month. We are looking forward to planting fall/winter pansies and chrysanthemums, then decorating for Christmas. We just have to wait for the 80 degrees to be over! Every day is a blessing and every day I wonder how things will be next year! I can't go there! I am thankful for each day! Blessings!

"...your renown , O Lord, thru all generations..."

In case anyone wondered how my doctor called at 5 am....the last post...I started that early and finished it that night.
This was quite a weekend. the Ladies Day at church involved lunch, speakers, door prizes and lots of gorgeous clothes, to see modeled, and available to buy at great discount. Just to be with that many women(over 100)to have fun is FUN! If you go to FB you can see all the models and clothes, etc. I was praying I could do this without my colostomy getting in my "way" of modeling but all went well! Last night was a pain night again, then today was fine. GO FIGURE!

Friends and doctors tell me I am tough. Well look at my heritage---they lived thru many wars (Revolutionary, Civil, World War I and II) then they made it through the great depression, lost homes, businesses, husbands died, leaving widows to raise children. They went out west in a covered wagon, they had children to die, moved to find work, were innovative in their endeavors. They got education, found work where they could, but nearly all trusted God for their sustenance, and somehow they stayed busy and productive.

These are my grandmothers, the women from whom I am descended. One was Cherokee, the rest were mostly Scotch-Irish or English, but one grandmother was mostly Dutch. I say I am a Heinz 57... So I thank God for these wonderful women, and wish I could have known all of them. I pray to pass these characteristics on to our grandchildren!

"Your name, O Lord, endures forever, your renown, O Lord thru all generations." Psalm 135:13