I am so thankful I cut the chemo in half...I am so nauseated, so just imagine how sick I WOULD have been on full dose! Yesterday was a blur, but I was busy. Today, I sat in a doctor office for 3 hours ( a sign of things to come) The urologist told me there is a government mandate for doctors to put everything on a computer that is between doctor and patient and send it to Washington for a government data base. He was running slow since he was not used to doing this extra computer work. So I waited all that time for him ...probably not the last time this will happen. He said I could wait three more months before we do the stint replacement, depending on an ultra sound to be done next week. If it is still clear we will wait until December to do the switch.
I had a temperature today and feel like it. I am just wiped out! My blood count is not that low but just a feeling of want to lie down all the time. This doctor was pleased that the MRI showed the main tumor was receding but it is still causing lots of problems.
I had a minor melt down a couple of nights ago. This does not happen very often, but some times I just want to scream! I want to cry and holler and tell the world how vicious this cancer is! It is truly of the devil! I try to handle it with God's help and I usually do but sometimes I just have a difficult time not letting go!
This is when I find Bible verses that are calming and speak to my soul....John 16:33 says "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." When I get upset, John will rub my face and calm me, telling my how good I do! Sometimes I am not sure!
Psalm 91 :1-2 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."
Change After 30 Years
4 weeks ago
Dear Precious Bev,
ReplyDeleteDo you know that the rest of us would probably have minor meltdowns at least once a day! No, take that back; yours was minor; mine would probably be MAJOR! I cannot even begin to fathom the patience, the endurance, the faith, the long suffering, the will to survive, the sheer gut strength that you must have to have even lived through all these years of this scourge of Satan on your body. Yet, you have not only lived through it, but you have worked at a job, accomplished many things, served others, given testimony, traveled, sold one home and moved to another, been a caring companion, made too many memories to count with greats and grands, and given credit to God for every bit of what you have done. And you are worried about a "minor meltdown"! Girlfriend, sister in Christ, you are DUE a minor meltdown! Kudos to your wonderful John for knowing just what to do when you need it the most. The disease is Satan's doing, the wonderful husband is the Lord's doing, and together you and big John can whip old Satan and run him out of town!
We continue to pray and will till one of us leaves this earth or until the Lord comes again for all of us. We love you, so don't you go beating up on yourself again. Save that energy for whipping the Devil!
Hugs and blessings,
Barbara and Alan