"...are you not the God who is in heaven..."

Strange week...I spent Sunday night into early Monday morning at the ER and part of that time was having a CT which showed nothing especially new...but this pain has to come from somewhere! I have to talk to my oncologist tomorrow! There is probably no place in society more strange and different than the ER, especially on a weekend night. A nurse told us there are more people coming in with psychological problems on a holiday weekend than most any other problems. Maybe they think they should be in a family gathering and don't have that for some reason or another.

This is a strange Memorial Day. Of course it reminds us of Daddy being gone in World War II and of John's brother being killed during that time. For as long as I can remember it was a family day, picnics and/or camping, or family at my sister's home with swimming and food and lots of kids. They all grew up and now each family has their own time of picnics and swimming. Things change and nothing ever stays the same.

I am hesitant going to an ER (I believe this was the 4Th time in my life I ever went to one) and the place is always crowded and you wonder who will check you in, etc...and of course God took care of me and the nurse checking me in shared that her mother has cancer and would I please pray for her. Of course a Christ believer would be there for me! God is so good!

O Lord, God of heaven, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hands..." II Chronicles 20:6

"My days vanish like smoke..."

Psalm 102 1 Hear my prayer, LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
2 Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.

3 For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.

I am tired...it could be a. cancer b. age c. being sick d. John being sick e. results of chemo f. all or any of the above! I long to have energy. I hurt so badly last night. The doctor does not know what this hurting is. Nothing shows on the CT to have this pain. I have taken the strong pain meds and they are like nothing and the pain kept me awake last night. I am praying for relief, and asking God if this is how I will end my days?

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Usually I don't have this pain during the day, just at night. This is so strange. We got to have coffee with grandchildren this morning. What fun to be with grown up grandchildren. I love my family. Thank you God for blessings

"Therefore... we have a great high priest..."

Another day at a doctor. john was not getting any better and our daughter and I were getting really worried, so we did "an intervention", called a doctor and got John to go. He grumbled all the way! But he has bronchitus and needed another round of antibiotics, and another OTC med for coughing. He has been sick just way too long! I got over this crud in a week and he is longer than that.

My oncologist made an eye doctor appointment for me. This chemo just goes on and on with the side effects. I really wonder if I will get over this one! I have these fuzzy spots before my eyes occasionally, which the chemo said was possible. I think I did not miss a single after-effect listed on that protocol.

I am so tired. I don't know why. When I don't feel good, I always think "it is the cancer" and "it is growing". Maybe I am tired because we have been sick for two weeks! Maybe I am tired of just doing everything because John does not feel like doing anything. I might just lay in bed all day tomorrow! No I cannot do that, I need to bake pies for a church happening. As Scarlett said "tomorrow is another day"

Seriously, I am so thankful for our God our "high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we possess." Hebrews 4:14

"Shout for joy..."

Grandma and Grandpa went fishing every Saturday. He loved it and I guess she did also but I think they just enjoyed being together. He always called her "mother" probably because of speaking of her to the children and it just "stuck". So they were getting a boat at a lake and he was saying "mother, get in the boat, etc..." and this old man helping them said "So this is your Mother?" This really hacked Grandpa bad! He called her the most beautiful woman in the world every day as long as he lived and the idea of her being his mother----and he was 8 years older than she was! We fished with them some when I was small and once a tornado came up while we were out and we took refuge in an old shack by the lake. As tornadoes go, it would not have done us any good, just kept the rain off!

I saw the oncologist today and told him about this weird pain I have in the middle of my abdomen, and he may have a CT earlier than he was going to. He also will get me an eye appointment. I hate-hate this all! I know we should not hate anything but maybe cancer does not fall into that category! Please Lord, consider me afflicted and comfort me!!! John is slowly getting over his illness. He usually recovers quickly, but not this one.

Isaiah 49:13..."Shout for joy, O heavens, rejoice , O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones."

The Lord is good to all....."

I go to doctor tomorrow...I am kind of blah....I am having some eye problems and need to tell him...the last chemo in January, which nearly killed me, had eye problems as some of its side effects...I hoped I had escaped that side effect. Maybe not? Maybe getting old? No, not me! " The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; He has compassion to all He has made." Psalm 145:8-9

"Carry each others' burdens..."

"and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2 How pleasant and personal, sister-like is it when someone helps you and carries some of your burdens, if only by being there to talk or pray, or send a note. I have a friend whose ministry is sending notes. She probably sends hundreds each year. They are not just a note card, but personal, caring, hand writing that shows she knows your situation and truly cares.

Each of us has our own ministry that shows others our love for them.

John has been so sick! I think he was depressed today and I just MADE him get out of bed and go to the garden center. At one point I looked back at him and he was leaning over the basket, and I almost felt guilty! But he felt so much better in the afternoon because he got out of bed! We came home and dug and planted lots of flowers. Tonight he is relapsing and feels terrible. Maybe tomorrow he will be better since he has taken 5 out of 14 antibiotics. so far.

We were talking today about how children can no longer play games like we did--"Red Rover", "Kick ball", "dodge ball", because they might get hurt! How sad, that children cannot be free to go out, get hurt, get over it, and "be sure you are home by dark". We sure did have fun in that freedom.

Prayers for children everywhere, for safety, for parents who care, and praying for John to get well. As usual off chemo, I feel very well! Thank you God for the rest and for the good CT in 2 months!

"Surely this is our God..."

I was with friends tonight, leaving John at home. He is so sick! He did not feel like going and no one wants to be close to him anyway. I have slept on the couch two nights so far...and I rarely do that. He is coughing worse than I did. He is taking an antibiotic so hope and pray for his health to return soon! . We were supposed to meet part of our family at Falls Creek Falls this weekend. We cannot do that! We are so disappointed, to not be with family and that is one of our all time favorite places in the world. I made family favorite cake (the buttermilk pound cake with buttermilk caramel icing) and we were to be part of vacation for our daughter and son in law and birthdays for two grandchildren. Well, these things happen and we would not go there and infect them for anything!

John went to the eye doctor today and he is about the same, which means he can see with the right eye, and the doctor thinks he will never be totally blind. That was wonderful news. He probably should not have gone, being sick, but eye appointments are hard to come by, and this was with the macular degeneration doctor.

I was looking at a magazine and it asked "what was your happiest day ever?" What a question! Would it be possible to take one event and say that was the happiest ever??? I think there are a hundred happiest days in a life time! I could go back to a day at Falls Creek with all the grandchildren young and all of us camping and a fire going, making s'mores ..does it get much better than that? Or the day one of your babies was born? Go back to the day you married? Above all, the day of accepting Jesus and becoming a christian.

I was talking to these friends tonight about my being off chemo and wondering if, maybe?, wondering?, do I?, will I?, It would be so easy to just stay off. Life is so good off the poison. I still don't know. I do know this--I will not do any more that nearly kill me. One friend talked about how we all pray for one person and they live then we all pray for another and they pass on. Why is this? Only God knows these "why" questions and only He has the "time" for each of us!

"Surely this is our God; we trusted in Him, and He saved us. This is the Lord, we trusted in Him; let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation." Isaiah 25:9