Monday, November 16, 2009

When did I grow old?

One day, I was just going along, enjoying life, doing lots of fun things, keeping busy, traveling, gardening, and the next day---all of a sudden--I was old!I looked in the mirror one morning and there I was--I said I was never growing old, that old is a state of mind, that years mean nothing when you enjoy life. Circumstances have a way of changing viewpoints. Cancer is one of those circumstances. This demon changes your entire life, and everything you do is focused on "is it back?", "when is the next scan?", "is that pain caused by a tumor returning?". This demon is "seeing the pain in family members' eyes" as they see you suffering through chemo or nausea.
In addition to being ill, realizing that I am the "top of the totem pole" in my family line ---the matriarch, so to speak,gives an awesome feeling. My parents, all my aunts and uncles are deceased and I am the oldest of my siblings and the cousins. Then there was the day not long ago when our children started advising us on changing living conditions. They are becoming the parents and we are becoming the children---not completely, but there is definitely a "changing of the guards". Preparing to move in with a child is a move I thought was 20 years in the future--when I really was old!
Old is still a state of mind and I will fight against changing that as long as I can. In the meanwhile, I am thankful for wonderful children and grandchildren who want to take care of us; and as Matthew 15:4 says, "Honor your father and mother", which they certainly are doing.

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