Saturday, June 4, 2011

"...Jesus said, "Take courage. It is I..."

I am in more pain, and will see the surgeon this Thursday ...see if he can operate ONE more time...this will be the 5Th! He told us the last time this cancer is like a spider web that is just fiber all over everywhere inside my abdomen. The pain,(unless he tells me otherwise this time) is coming from the pressure of the cancer on various organs. I hurt worse at night for some reason. A good friend, dear one in art class, called and reminded me of Peter who took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink when trying to walk on the water. She reminded me to just keep my eyes on Jesus. This is such a wonderful friend! All my friends tell me continually that they are praying for me. I know this and I am trying so hard to not be downhearted. I do really good even with chemo problems if I am not in pain. I do not handle pain very well, even though I have a strong pain threshold. So it must be really bad if I hurt this much!!!

"...Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord if it is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come" He said. Then Peter got down out of the boat , walked on the water and came toward Jesus." Matthew 14:27-29 then Peter took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink...I pray I can better keep my eyes and mind and heart focused on Jesus. I could cry my eyes out any second of any day. I could scream and have a fit any second of any day. That would solve nothing. This is a mind-sorting-out disease in which one thinks alot about life, priorities, the goodness of God and His blessings, what is really important, what do I do in time I have left. I still have optimism that cures are possible. God is my hope and my promise, my faith and my life.

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