Thursday, June 16, 2011

"A voice of one calling: "In the desert prepare the way for the Lord...."

"...make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. ..And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it." Isaiah 40:3 and 5

I went to the oncologist today and he and the chemo nurse are deciding on a chemo for next week. He also wants me to have a stent surgically put in place to keep one kidney from atrophying due to the cancer pressure. I am in lots of pain every night and some day time. I can cry at the drop of a hat! I am so tired of everything. I told the nurse today she must think I am such a baby--"I don't want this, and I don't want that"...she said "no you are just defining quality of life."

I am to be on the first floor this time with the chemo being already approved, and that way, the doctor can change dossage if it is too harsh. That will be a nice change. Experimental has a protocol and you do what that says. I am tired and sleepy...seems always...I feel like I am lost in a desert. I do not mind dying, but hate this "suffering" which is really nothing when it is all in perspective! Hallelujah!


  1. Barbara Johnson-ClarkJune 16, 2011 at 11:51 PM

    Dearest Bev,
    We've prayed constantly that there would be another chance for our Bev; another shot at some more time with you and for you and John and your family. Prayers are answered once again! I am so grateful you have another chemo scheduled, and I hope the stent surgery is not a painful one since it is obviously another shot at some quality of life. Praise God that you have such a wonderful medical team; so caring-I love what the nurse said to you.

    We are praying and doing so unceasingly. Take the pain meds and get all the rest it will give you. Next week will bring some relief. We love you so.

    Barbara, Alan and the children

  2. I recently fell in love with Handel's Messiah. Handels's oratorio sets words from the King James bible to the most beautiful barouque music. I found your blog when searching for 'he is like a refiners fire', some words from Messiah. The word's sung in Messiah also contain a reference to 'preparing the way for the lord'. As well as telling the story of the coming, birth, life, suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus, the words of Messiah, and indeed Jesus's story, also represent, in my opinion, a metaphor for the own growth of our own soul through suffering - something Carl Jung referred to as individuation - in essence, putting the ego in correct relation with the soul - that part of the psyche which in his words 'has the quality of something which knows god' (paraphrased). I hope that through the grace of god you are given the time you need to complete what he would have you achieve given the opportunity.

  3. Living in the desert,I honestly know the "crying out in the desert'.I have listened for his voice in this dust filled land...I've cried out for Him to stop my mind - to calm my words and truly listen.
    Reading all you are dealing with at this time is really beyond words. I pray for you; I ask for God to remove this cancer - for you to be fully healed. I ask for grace, relief, strength and courage. You are the face of courage, Bev.
    Though you are walking through a dark valley, I still pray you will follow along in this ever changing, wind swept land of sand and dust and hear His voice. The voice that loves and cares for your hurts, needs, hopes and fears. With love, kathryn