Tuesday, June 21, 2011

"This is what the Lord says..."

" I will extend peace to her like a river..." Isaiah 66:12, then 61:11 "For as the soil makes the sprout come up and the garden makes the seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations."

The Bible refers to gardens so much. God must love flowers and gardens. Also the idea of rivers and gardens brings such a feeling of peace. My flowers have really grown and I cannot believe one year ago there was just a pile of rocks and dirt here. John has his veggie garden with green beans and a few carrots and a few beets coming along. We have already had two meals of our green beans and a have a big bag in the freezer. We dug our potatoes and will probably have half a dozen meals from these. And the tomatoes are almost ready. I have some squash growing everywhere. The holly hocks are tall and beautiful several shades of pink. There are zinnias, marigolds, butterfly bushes, cone flowers, some flowers I just have but do not know the names. All these things are soothing and bring joy.

I have not written for several days because I have been so sad and so mad! I hate this cancer and I hate what it is doing to my body. I hate all the things it is robbing me of. I hate the sorrow it creates within me. I could sit and cry my eyes out at any moment! I know God only allows things like this for a purpose. I realize now that the lesson taught me is that I was so proud of my accomplishments and my ability to maintain a strong body and to be "young" and this cancer has certainly brought me to my knees! I have lost all that I was PROUD of and I did not really think I had this pride. But God knows our hearts and He knows our inner thoughts. So here I am, kneeling down for His guidance and ready to live and do as long as He allows it.

We took a few days to go and visit the grands and greats in Augusta. We will have a new baby girl with all those boys in a few weeks and being with the great is such fun. God is good and He gives us opportunities to be with and love our family. I pray for His peace as my oncologist tries to find another chemo to hold back this cancer.


  1. Barbara Johnson-ClarkJune 21, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Dearest Bev,
    Through your sadness and "madness" I also saw and heard other things. I saw joy over flowers and babies. I heard hope in your voice as you talked about living as long as God would let you and in the anticipation of the new chemo. I heard some acceptance--okay, so maybe I'm not so young anymore, but I still am vibrant and full of dreams! You are the most incredible friend I have. I love you so dearly, and I talk to God about you all the time. I just hope when I "grow up" I'm one half the woman you are! Hang in there beautiful lady, and give that big John a big fat hug from all the Clarks!
    Much love,

  2. Barbara said it - you see 'beauty in the ashes'...you don't sit in the ash pile for long,my friend. You look up and see incredible beauty everywhere (miss that TN soil; where things grow instantly. We have to coddle and beg and soon enough we get something. I love to garden - even in the desert. Hug those Augusta kids for us. Jim and Cindy are precious. Praying your dr will become the great "wizard" of chemo and find just the thing you need. love kathryn