Thursday, January 7, 2010

I praise you...

(First off, my friend, who is not nearly as articulate or as bright as I, is writing this entry since my own writing skills are hopefully only temporarily diminished ;>)...don't believe --she is wonderful...i wrote my blog and my friend typed this and transferred this to my blog...

Because of a newly discovered tumor in my brain that bled out Sunday, I can't write, spell, or read very well now. I really miss reading my bible already, but I do have a copy on CD that is helpful.
I have surgery to remove the tumor Tuesday. The good news is, it is operable, and the damage that has been done appears to be from the bleeding rather than the tumor itself. The neurosurgeon thinks the tumor can be removed completely and easily, and he is confident that it is the same cancer that we've been treating in my liver.
Its possible that I won't regain any coherency at all that would allow me to read very much at a time or write with consistency, but with lots of prayer and therapy, if its God's will, I may be able to relearn what has been lost. It may be that my peripheral vision is damaged, which the therapy could help as well. Please pray with me that such is the case.
As far as my chemotherapy for the liver tumors go, thats all on hold now until this new situation is addressed. So no more chemo until further notice.
I'm trying to be very honest and candid with my feelings as I established when starting this blog months ago primarily because I want others who are suffering with cancer and all the side effects of treatment to be comforted in understanding and knowing that they are not alone. The truth is, after coming home from the doctor Tuesday with the bad news, I screamed, I cried, I cowered in John's arms. I railed against life and the reality that we are being cheated out of joy in our lives and our living by this disease. I've no anger towards God, but I'm very angry at the cancer.
Now I've a 91 year old cousin who has newly been diagnosed with a blood cancer...more sorrow and sadness in our family.

Psalm 139:13-14,16
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I've quoted these verses many times. They are some of my favorites because they faithfully remind me that God is in control, he knows our days before we begin them, and God will fulfill each and every promise that he is made to us. He is ever faithful.

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