Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Chemo round #2, day 2

Well, this day started out pretty good, but as the night got here, the aches and pains began. I kind of know what to expect, but the two weeks "off" was a spoiler and I forgot how bad I might feel.I am looking at Christmas decorations around town and cannot get too excited. I did get some of mine up and they are cheerful in my home, but without shopping---now there is the excitement! I really missed doing that this year and am just giving gifts of money to the family, which I hate to do. I just could not shop this year. There is an inner being that tells us when "enough is enough" and when your limit is reached, whether it is endurance to clean house, shop, cook, or do any of the daily activities. It is amazing how little work one can actually get by without doing.
Maybe I am getting lazy? No, not at all. With the "excitement" of the chemo, it is easy to forget that there was major-major surgery less than three months ago.I actually miss being busy, doing physical work, especially outside (much of that could not do now anyway in this weather). So this is rambling, thinking, hoping I am able in a few months to do all the activities I have always enjoyed and can have the exuberant outlook I think I have always had. Like I said earlier, when faced with a life altering illness, you think differently than you normally would do and possibly do more self examination of life goals, life strategies, and relationships. There is more of "I love you"s to friends and of course to family. There is a sense of urgency to make sure you do and say all you meant to do and say.
Proverbs 9:10-11 says "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life."
I pray I have this holy fear and deep respect for God and that He will give me more years...

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