"...my refuge and my fortress..."

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust." " Psalm 91:1-2

When I got to the oncologist today, they told me I had to get a heart Echo, because someone in this study had a serious heart problem and they are testing people to see if this shows up anywhere else. There is something between the lines here because I asked if I would get to resume this chemo next week (because my white cells are still too low for this week) and the nurse said "not sure". She said the doctor would talk to me about it next week. So I had the first infusion October 5, and took 6 of the daily pills then had to stop and here we are---in limbo. AND, my hair is falling out, started yesterday! I don't know what we will do next, and is the cancer growing while we do nothing? and can my body not stand any more chemo? I just have no blood defense for infection. I am very frustrated and trying to KNOW this must not be what I need. God is my refuge! Meantime, still no eating out, no salads, no fresh fruits, only cooked food. I want an apple so bad!!! And I have to go get blood checked again in three days--sure wish the white cells would get better!

Adding to all of this, our daughter is very sick, with bronchitus (she wore herself out preparing for the wedding) and is in bed with fever and I cannot take care of her. I have to stay in our apartment, away from her! I did fix her some soup and John took it to her.

I feel like we are living in a soap opera!
Please God, empty my soul of despair and fill it with your hope and goodness.