Sunday, August 15, 2010

"Rejoice in the Lord always...."

"...Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God..."Philippians 4:4-6
So, I am anxious and I should not be. I have aches and nausea, seems longer than before. This was the fourth and each time is a little longer,I think, to get past the side effects. When we pray, I think of John and his eyes and his heart, and I don't pray for myself, and I know I should. I think I am counting on God to know my thoughts and prayers are also for me. Is that selfish? I will go for labs in two days and talk to the doctor about aches and pains, hoping the CT next week will pick up anything that should NOT be there. I have fever again tonight, which is always "off and on", so I just wonder if I can ever get off chemo?
This is life as a cancer I grab the good days and enjoy them, and endure the bad days. I get tired of being seen as "being sick" and long to be normal again, which I may not ever be. I long for friends to talk to me as I used to be...I ache to just be "ME", not a "cancer patient". But this is my place in life and I will "do the best I can with what I've got"...and thank God for every day and every blessing.

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