Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Be merciful to me O Lord, for I am in distress; life is consumed by anguish, and my bones grow weak...But I trust in you, O, Lord; I say, "you are my God". My times are in your hands..." Psalms 31: 9,10,14.
I could not decide if this is something I should discuss. After prayerful thought, I decided that there is bound to be many who either have colon cancer, or are facing the idea of a colostomy and fear the idea of such. I have had four major abdominal surgeries, always called "a mixed mullerian" and ovarian sarcoma. ( for brevity, you can look these up on Web,MD). No matter where it spreads to, your original cancer will remain the same name unless it is definitely another cancer. So each time, mine has been the ovarian sarcoma. Each time, I have come out of surgery, first words to John , "did I have to have a colostomy?" The first three times were "no" and I was so thankful! The fourth time last October, was a "yes" and I entered another world and another "sub-culture". The cancers had wrapped around my colon in two places, necessitating a colostomy, which you can also look up on Web,MD.
I have cried, screamed, asked God why I have to go through such loss of privacy, such loss of "normal" life. This tends to be embarrassing and I worry that someone will "see" my colostomy bag through my clothes. As always John is such a wonderful support and just gives me all the courage to face this, another obstacle in this cancer fight.
Today was my chemo, and the doctor doubled the strength of the drug, since I did so well last week ...fever? nausea? this is good??? and as I sat there in the chair for five hours today, I thought again, "this is the rest of my life, doing this?" Then my courage and strength from God kicked in and I realized how blessed I am, that I can do so much more than I would have dreamed, and five days a week, are "my days"..."And I trust in you, O, God..." I pray this helps someone. If anyone wants to talk to me, my email is

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