Saturday, October 10, 2009

OK Back to reality

I have ignored the "gorilla in the room long enough...I am reading back in the small journal I kept during the first set of chemo treatments..the red cell shots, the white cell shots (sorry about the unscientific labels), the going back to the hospital for bags of blood and bags of platelets, the arthritis beginnings in all my joints, losing part of my hearing....this is the price of being alive. I am so glad I did it although at the time, I wondered if I would make it. The second set of chemo 3 years later was a different type, and different side effects, not quite as debilitating, but tough nevertheless. So here I am facing a third and fourth types of chemo, dreading and wondering if it will work...wondering what it is like to have it fail and how does one die...just fade away?? Well, I cannot go there, that would be to admit defeat and I am not a defeatist. My radiologist doctor called yesterday and we now have a plan since the first idea for the liver chemo did not work. I will go to the hospital in about 2 weeks from now and have an arteriogram type tubing deliver chemo directly into half my liver. It is called chemo embolization. I will stay there 3 days, so it must be fairly painful. Then 3 weeks later, a repeat for the other half of my liver. This is supposed to kill any tumors and stray cells in my liver. I am sure this will be followed by a scan and if any cancer cells remain, there will be a repeat. Then the oncologist will start a chemo for the other cancer remaining in my abdomen. Sounds like it will be a "fun" winter!! I keep reminding myself to "Do not let your faith rest on man's wisdom but on God's power", I Cor. 2:5....and I am so blessed to have God send these wonderful, knowledgeable doctors to treat and heal.


  1. Bev, just wanted to share a scripture with you that my 41 year old sister-in-law says is a favorite. She is a 21 month breast cancer survivor, and puts her hope in God, too. "He has delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many with me" (Psalm 55:18).

    I'm praying a similar prayer for you, that God will deliver quiet to you, and give you the ability to quiet your soul "like a weaned child with its mother" (Psalm 131, a favorite of mine).

  2. You've always been great toward me—what love!
    You snatched me from the brink of disaster!
    God, these bullies have reared their heads!
    A gang of thugs is after me—
    and they don't care a thing about you.
    But you, O God, are both tender and kind,
    not easily angered, immense in love,
    and you never, never quit.
    So look me in the eye and show kindness,
    give your servant the strength to go on,
    save your dear, dear child!
    Make a show of how much you love me
    so the bullies who hate me will stand there slack-jawed,
    As you, God, gently and powerfully
    put me back on my feet. Psalm 86 THE MESSAGE